Terror. Terrorism. Terrorists. Words that have the power to paralyze our very society. Both the Democratic and Republican candidates advocate continuing a “War of Terror,” each in their own way.
We of the Elder Party are brave enough to offer an alternative! Of course it is our goal that under our leadership no American will have any fear of terrorists from outside disrupting their lives. But our approach is fundamentally different from those offered.
While the current “War of Terror” advocates the use of tools such as strengthened security and conventional warfare. We of the Elder Party take a fresh approach.
If you can’t beat them, join them.
We will fight international terror . . . WITH TERROR!
Under the lead of Great Cthulhu, we will make America the most frightening nation on earth. None shall dare oppose us in our goals!
Our opponents might offer better security or more military might. We offer a candidate who is himself a Weapon of Mass Destruction!
We promise that under the lead of Great Cthulhu, no American will fear any threat from outside the government. No, truly acts of terrorism from outside will be the farthest thing from their minds from the moment of our candidate’s inauguration.
If you want to stop worrying about the threat of international terrorism, then you have only choice this fall.
Why choose the lesser evil?
No More Years! Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Fhtagn!