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28 October 2004 @ 11:42 pm
Just Do Your Fuckin' Job, Bonzo  
Mad munchies hit me, so a quick trip to the local AMPM convenience store was in order. I was hoping for a cheeseburger or a hotdog...little did I know that what I would get was confrontation.

As I pull up and walk in, I pass by a pair of twenty-somethings outside, talking. They are picture perfect examples of today's youth (no offence to any of you in the same age category who may be reading this). The boy is in baggy black pants and a black oversized hoodie, his hands thrust deep in the pockets, his hood pulled up over his black trucker hat (the bill rolled too far down on either side, as is the style). He's got 4 or 5 piercings in his face, and a scruffy, pathetic growth that I suppose passes for a beard. The girl is this same type of mall-crawler evident everywhere: hair bleached and dyed blonde, tan-in-a-bottle, for the 'plastic' look. Black knit stretch shirt that doesn't come down far enough, low-rise hip hugger pants (matching black) that don't come UP far enough, and a size too small, so they bulge in all the wrong places. He has a lisp, she whines. Yeesh. I pass by them and enter the store.

First note: no hot food. Damn. Second notice: place is completely empty. The pair come in behind me, and head to the counter; yep, he's the staff tonight. Joy...oh, whatever, like I care. She stands in front of the counter, and picks up her whiny babble right where she left off. I pick up a bag of chips (the new "Black Pepper Jack" Doritos...I see that the website doesn't mention them, but someone mentioned them on the Taquitos.net forum; they're pretty good) and sodas for everyone, and head to the counter.

Now, if I had gotten through checking out with no problem, there'd be no post, right? Correctamundo. I stand there behind the chick (since she is, stupidly, standing right where the customer should be) as she drones on and on and on in her whiny, nasal drawl (endlessly complaining about some problem at her work, which centers around the fact that she TOLD them she couldn't work on Halloween). Does she move? No. Does CounterBoy ring up my purchase, or even acknowledge my presence? Nope. After a few minutes of this, I move up next to her, put my things on the counter, and proceed to stare at them, one, then the other. The most I get is that dude actually looks at me at one point, and shrugs.

Bad move. Should have just rung up my stuff and let me go.

Finally, when chick takes a breath before repeating herself, again, I turn to her and say "Barbie, do you think you could shut up long enough to let your boy do his job?" She looks back at me, shocked, and says, oh-so-eloquently, "Huh?" Christ..."Do you need me to spell it for you, Plastic? Button it for a minute." Now, she's REALLY shocked..."What did you say to me?" Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner here..."What, you deaf, too?"

CounterBoy gets into it now: "Don't talk to her like that." "Excuse me? Or what? Do your damn job, please." "Hey, man, you can't be like that." Chick's brain finally manages to finish it's slow shift from 'bitch' mode to 'fight back' mode. She steps back up, lightly smacks me on the shoulder, and says, again showing off her obvious college-level vocabulary, "Yeah!"

Bad move number two. Shouldn't have touched me.

Believe it or not, I really don't think about how intimidating I can be sometimes. But, looking back, here I am, all 6'3", 280 pounds of me, in black jeans, old band shirt, boots, hair down and a bit unkempt under the hat, leather cycle jacket with the zippers and chains, and now an angry look in the eyes. I turn on chick and take a step towards her, in fact, I took about three, and when she saw me coming and looked up into the eyes of Satan himself, she stumbled back with eyes the size of dinner plates and a step as wobbly as Jolly Saint Nick's belly. I waited to see if she'd fall over the pepperoni and land on her scrawny butt, but no luck. So, I leaned down and calmly but darkly said "If you touch me again, I will turn you inside-out."

Turning back to the boy (who hasn't moved...chivalry, where art thou?) "Now for you, Bongo. You're on camera with all this; how do you want it to end?" He hangs his head, and proceeds to ring up my items, quietly, quickly. Total, money, change, bag, over in 30 seconds. Take my bag, say "You may now resume your vapidity," and leave.

*sigh* And people wonder why I so rarely leave the house these days.
Echotwilighthalcyon on October 28th, 2004 11:51 pm (UTC)

you are one of my heros
bojo427bojo427 on October 29th, 2004 12:40 am (UTC)
Uh huh, I've met guys like you, attract trouble where ever they go, scare the crap out of people constantly. I married one.
He gets the same kind of thing, for instance- one day leaving Albertson's, some guy just spontaneously gives him a dirty look and quips, "You trying to start something?" To my delight, Scott replied, "What did you have in mind?"

Okay, that's not really the same kind of thing. I bet in your case, they sized you up and figured you looked like a "cool dude" who wouldn't be annoyed by their wasting your time.
.Cherry Blossom Girl.: .marla._glittergirl on October 29th, 2004 12:58 am (UTC)
::wishes i could have been there:: i need more excitement in my life. =D

there are far too many fucktards in this world. & i agree with the first person who commented, you have just become a hero of mine as well.
_The_ Wenchrayce on October 29th, 2004 01:39 am (UTC)
You know.. after having you as a DM on a very dark and twisted path.. I damn well would have not only gotten of your way but shined your boots in the process. LOL

How many ways do you rock.. oh.. let me count the ways....
Leshracleshrac on October 29th, 2004 02:50 am (UTC)
Your loathing and hate for the rest of humanity is so refreshing. Its all the things that go through my mind, but I dont say because my mental controls are still on high. I dont like offending people publicly. Oh well. Id proably have more fun if i did.

Go Frank!
Woapalanne the Sciomancer: EliRealwoap on October 29th, 2004 11:26 pm (UTC)
Hey, you look sorta like me in that outfit.
ex_nostradom25 on October 29th, 2004 02:57 am (UTC)
Not a surprise. Clearly a little touch of chaos was required! :D
Jarrad Morelockjarydm on October 29th, 2004 02:58 am (UTC)

that was absolutely wonderful to read at 6am

im glad their end of that confrontation ended there, and you at least got something to eat out of it.
Just a Girl: Buffy Gigglesandmansister on October 29th, 2004 04:55 am (UTC)
You rawk my whole sock drawer.
David Waterssamir1stdude on October 29th, 2004 05:53 am (UTC)
"Now for you, Bongo. You're on camera with all this; how do you want it to end?"
oh yeah!

I used to work convience stores... it always amazed me how people forgot they were on camera all the time.

of course I used to do song and dance numbers for the cameras at 3 am....
Johann D Wickedestplasticrapping on October 29th, 2004 06:17 am (UTC)
You seriously can not judge the youth of today by some guy who works at AM-PM at night... unless your King Angst
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll: Glow Skullarchmage on October 29th, 2004 08:44 am (UTC)
No, I don't, really. Just sad how many of this type of person I see. But, like in any case, it's a squeaky wheel situation. I know plenty in the same age category that AREN'T brainless morons.
~Jojo~jobunches on October 29th, 2004 06:37 am (UTC)


I can so visualize the whole scene in my head.

You da man!
unhappymeal on October 29th, 2004 07:03 am (UTC)
Whoa. I want to hang out with you now. Wait, did I not want to hang out with you before? No, but now I want to even more. Seriously dude, can I just move out to Oregon and live next to you and your lady, cause I really need a change of pace, and I think my lady would love the weather out there more than in Chicago.
Chrisdeusinnomen on October 29th, 2004 08:43 am (UTC)
Good god, yer not kidding. The weather is what drove me out of Chicago the first time, and it'll probably be the same reason I use the next time I ditch the 'burbs. ;)
(no subject) - archmage on October 29th, 2004 08:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - unhappymeal on October 29th, 2004 09:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - archmage on October 29th, 2004 09:04 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - unhappymeal on October 29th, 2004 09:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
Geisha Doll: Pretty Hate Machine (Icon Kitten)geisha_doll on October 29th, 2004 07:16 am (UTC)
Ah...how I love thee. You and zombiedip need to become my neighbors.

I grew up in NYC, I have seen some scary shit. So it makes me double over in laughter when I see suburban little twits try to emulate "rappers" or "street thugs" and expect you to be intimidated.

If I recall correctly, I think I told one of them. "Please...I've picked off scabs harder than you."

I think we're getting old, my friend....a large segment of the youth population irritates the shit out of me.
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll: Cerebus (WTF)archmage on October 29th, 2004 08:48 am (UTC)
Well, I try to be realistic in my misanthropy. I know it's not "the youth of today" as a whole, and that there are plenty of good ones...unfortunately (like I said to someone above), it's a 'squeaky wheel' situation: these are the ones that you see and hear, and these are the ones making the problems, so these are the representatives.

Still...it scares me to think that even this small selection is this pathetic.
(no subject) - olivetree on October 29th, 2004 09:10 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - archmage on October 29th, 2004 09:12 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - olivetree on October 29th, 2004 09:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
Chrisdeusinnomen on October 29th, 2004 08:44 am (UTC)
My long-haired brother, you are indeed my current favorite god. ;)
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll: Burn The Worldarchmage on October 29th, 2004 08:49 am (UTC)
It's the hair, m'man. People just don't know how to handle it anymore. Too many short-haired pretty boys these days...
moonversion on October 29th, 2004 08:59 am (UTC)
As a 20-something year old I am deeply offended... oh wait, no I'm not. Hehe. We need to start our own world, one free of assmonkeys.