God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll (archmage) wrote,
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll
archmage

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Tough Guys With Heart

Time for a peek into Frank's brain...mind the steps, watch your heads, and for fuck's sakes, don't feed anything that asks for food...

Sometimes, I say that I know I'm not the easiest guy to figure out. Other times, I know this is a lie, that I'm fairly transparent. OTHER other times, I know it's a mix of the two. ;)

I get the comment a lot that I have a lot of patience, and that I seem to be there for anyone. It's true, I'm a natural Care-Taker. It's just my nature...someone needs something, I'm there, to the absolute limit of my abilities, and sometimes further. Not that this is always a blessing; not only does it mean that I often overstep my abilities and find that I get stuck, but it also means that I'll occasionally be a tad over-zealous in helping, to the point that my help is no longer wanted (or something on those lines). If I even vaguely know you, and you need something, whether that be material or spiritual, I'll end up being there. I give my heart easily and willingly, and it gets hurt, but it heals and I do it again.

The downside to this is that I take on the problems of others...lots of others. It means I let my empathetic nature get in the way of my own needs (note that I didn't say 'empathic', I'm not claiming any New Age Neo-Pagan "supranatural" goofiness, here). It means I really do feel the pain of others, to the point of allowing myself to get caught up in it. It's extremely hard for me to know someone in need and not help them, in some way.

Now, add to that my own personal psychoses. ;) I'm not saying I suffer from a full-blown Messianic Complex, but I do seem to think and come across as the one with all the answers, the guy who thinks he knows how to solve the world's problems...or at least knows what the world needs, and can prove it with a legal pad, a pencil, and a slide-rule.

The upside is that people around me get taken care of, and, if they are aware of me at all, they know they're safe. That makes me feel good, and thus I get through the day a pretty happy guy. I get to make people smile, and I love that. I know that the people I care for are OK, and that makes me feel good. As a twisted aside, I think less about my own problems, and thus I'm happier for that, too...even though that may not be all that healthy.

That's the funny side to all this, the fact that I don't deal with my own problems, really. Don't get me wrong, I don't ignore them, but I'm much more likely to do a shaky, slapdash handling of it, in order to get it out of the way. Partly so I don't have the problem, partly so I look like a more 'together' kinda guy. I'm always the strong one, the confident one, the go-to guy when something's not working right. I have the answers, I have the ability and knowledge, and I get the job done.

I like that.
I like that a lot.

We've all got a type we identify with. The tragic hero, the strong lady, the tortured damsel, the sneaky thief, the smart-mouth bitch, the emotional bard, the regular joe, the bouncy girl, the brainy scientist, the fun-loving sidekick.

Look at stories, movies, video games. Look for one character: the big guy, maybe odd looking, maybe even a bit scary and/or misunderstood. Acts a little cocky, has the swagger in his walk when he's among the public. Never lets on that he has any emotions or weakness of his own...just handles the issues as they arrive, and doesn't worry too much about the praise afterwards (if it comes at all), it's just "his job". Maybe he's trying to forget his past or his beginnings. Catch him completely alone, and he might show his pain a little, or have some really cute quirk. Watch when the one person he truly loves (but cannot tell her) is hurt or threatened, and watch him admit that he'd do anything for her, battle Death and The Legions of Hell alike, to keep her safe. You realize that he's just a big teddy bear underneath all the armour and muscle. He may not be smart, he may not be delicate, he may not be attractive...but you're safer with him than you could ever be.

There's the character I identify with. Seen Hellboy? Yeah, there ya go. Perfect.

The big lummox with the heart of gold. Welcome to my world...gift shop is on the right as you leave.
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