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08 January 2006 @ 06:24 pm
BloodRayne Reviewed  
We all know I rant about movies. There are plenty of ones that are popular, where my opinion differs wildly from the apparent mainstream of humanity. Sometimes, though, it sure is nice to see people agreeing with me.

Take, for example, BloodRayne. Based on the video game of the same name, I said, right from the beginning, that it would be a piece of crap. No, no, said my opponents, it's got a sexy chick in tight outfits with blades who slashes and sucks blood! Hot bodies! Gore and action! It'll kick ass! I think this shows how low standards have dropped, but then, this is the country who believes reality shows are real.

I, on the other hand, thought it would be pond scum. I looked at the fact that Uwe Boll was directing, and I cringed at how badly he'd make some great actors act (Kingsley>? Madsen? Zane? They should know better.). I imagined how a video game as monotonous as BloodRayne would be translated to the big screen (the game wasn't bad, but it was just more of the same, level after level). And I drew my conclusion as to it's Suck Total, which was quite high.

Well, let's see. It's hardly been out in theatres long at all, and it's already being ranked in's bottom 100 movies (it's #40). As for some particulars, well, take a gander at this review by Howard Tayler, author and artist of Schlock Mercenary, one of the best and most successful webcomics out there.

You are allowed to have standards, you know. It's actually good for you and the planet.
The Cynic: Drinkersdiscordian on January 9th, 2006 02:32 am (UTC)
You know... today was not the day I needed to read this.
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll: Bad Guy (Tough Words)archmage on January 9th, 2006 03:57 am (UTC)
Sorry to dash your hopes. On the other hand, think of the annoyance I saved you by pointing it all out.
The Cynic: chaodiscordian on January 9th, 2006 04:00 am (UTC)
Say what you want, but I'm still going to see it. In all likelihood tomorrow.
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God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll: Hitmanarchmage on January 9th, 2006 04:59 am (UTC)
Absolutely. And funny you should use that as an example, seeing as it's one of the hugest examples of how a beautiful film can be turned into a bland pile of boredom.
(Deleted comment)
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Rollarchmage on January 9th, 2006 10:40 am (UTC)
See, I'm a huge Zero Mostel fan, so that definitely colours my view. I felt the new Producers tried too hard to be funny, and just dragged, focusing too much on the stars and the one-liners/antics. Just my thoughts, of course.
Skiggaretbigdaddygoat on January 9th, 2006 12:01 pm (UTC)
It rated worse than Barb Wire, Captain America and Steel, it must be bad.
Melinoemelinoe on January 9th, 2006 07:07 pm (UTC)
I haven't seen it but when I first heard who was cast in the lead I choked. I think its a horrible choice and just doesn't fit the part. But, what do I know. I doubt I'll see this until video unless Sean ends up wanting to go.
IsisInVinylisisinvinyl on January 10th, 2006 12:26 am (UTC)
And when you wake up screaming, covered in ants, you'll think "at least I'm not still watching BloodRayne."
Priestpriestofcards on January 11th, 2006 04:45 pm (UTC)
Give this movie a shot, I saw it the other day and I have to admit that the Director did a much better job on this than he did with Cabin Fever.