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13 December 2006 @ 04:13 pm
 
I'm so far beyond angry that I cannot come up with a word or phrase that adequately describes my anger. I'm so angry that no matter how much I want to, I refuse to get drunk, because I know that getting drunk with this much anger is going to only lead to my saying or doing something that I will later regret. I don't even want to go into detail about it, because my hands are shaking, my vision is blurring, and I just don't feel like typing it all out, but I will say this: If that old cocksucker ever speaks to me like that again, if he ever disrespects me like that again, I walk. I don't care what's going on, where he is, or how he's feeling, I walk away and I don't return. I've put up with him disrespecting my look, my lifestyle, my heritage, my art, my politics, my opinions, my job, you name it, but he will damn well respect me and what I do for him, or he can fucking well find someone else to do it.
 
 
Current Mood: furious
 
 
 
Μαχομαιmaxomai on December 14th, 2006 12:22 am (UTC)
This calls for a 20-lb sledge and an old shack that needs demolishing.

Or a very loud metal show, and fuck the earplugs.
NO, RLYpornrockangel on December 14th, 2006 12:32 am (UTC)
crap : /

hell to the yes on the he better AT LEAST respect what you do for him. there sure doesn't seem like there's anyone else that could or would do it. hugs.

and I'll work on another horns pic...can't recycle my old one ;)
lovemotionstory: we accept the love welovemotionstory on December 14th, 2006 12:35 am (UTC)
i very much believe that is someone treats you badly you don't need to deal with them.

i know this old man doesn't have anyone else but you to take care of him, but apparently he doesn't. coming from someone like me (a nanny, a person who provides eldercare twice a week for a parent of someone i used to nanny for and a general nurturer), it may sound weird, but if he is emotionally abusive, it's ok to draw the line and leave him hanging. having shitty health doesn't mean you get to be a dickhead. the man i help out twice a week is so nice and sweet though he has every reason to potentially be a downer. everything i've read from you about this guy's behavior is mostly unexceptable and i feel that putting up with it can only enable him to continue to treat you badly or even worse.

God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll: Smackdown (Anger)archmage on December 14th, 2006 12:50 am (UTC)
Sadly, this is Dianna's father. Even though she agrees, it's still not one I can leave hanging without a lot of hardship in the family...and I can't get away from that. If this were just a job? Fuck yeah, I'd have walked TODAY.
lovemotionstory: portland intersection in februarylovemotionstory on December 14th, 2006 12:58 am (UTC)
i know it's more complicated than a job, but some emotional abusers use their situations and your relationship to them as family as security in their heads that other people will put up with their abuse... some family are not worth having when they're consistently abusive. : [
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Rollarchmage on December 14th, 2006 01:30 am (UTC)
Don't I know it. Yeah, I'm trying to figure out a solution. HE'S obviously not going to change, and there's no money for a professional, so someone has to do it. If I don't, Rose would have to quit her job and be home to do it, and she's simply too small to physically handle it (much less the emotional end of it). No one else can (or WILL) do it. I just don't know, but I know I'm not putting up with that crap any longer.
ex_leopardp on December 14th, 2006 04:03 pm (UTC)
I think the old fart needs an eye opener. I'd tell him flat out, "Keep it up, and you're on your own!". And then follow through.
If that causes hardship for your family, remember that a strong family can get through just about ANYTHING.
Coinneach Fitzpatrickscarybaldguy on December 14th, 2006 12:47 am (UTC)
Just remember, don't kill him until AFTER the will is certified.
ex_leopardp on December 14th, 2006 04:04 pm (UTC)
*cough, sputter, snort*

Ahem.

I just love the feel of hot coffee as it passes through my nostrils at high speed :-)
kittnslavekittnslave on December 14th, 2006 01:00 am (UTC)
:kitten hugs and snugs:

entitymel: mushroom cloudentitymel on December 14th, 2006 02:55 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry your kindness and generosity and strength is being used against you.

I am really glad you've used LJ as a vent for your your steam, though. I'm so proud of you.

You're a good man in a bad position. A very good man. I'm sending you all sorts of good thoughts and love.
Rowennalapis_lunamoth on December 14th, 2006 04:48 am (UTC)
JM and I want you to know we commisserate. I know I spelled that wrong, but I don't care. We know where you are, and we don't know how to support you (in however you choose to handle being where you are) other than to just give you our ephemeral support. Not much, but there you go. We've got at least three years of this to look forward to. Not a fun road.
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll: Archmage Drinkingarchmage on December 14th, 2006 07:03 am (UTC)
Even good thoughts are appreciated, friends.
ex_leopardp on December 14th, 2006 04:05 pm (UTC)
You're just an extra "S" off, so don't despair:-)
circle23circle23 on December 14th, 2006 07:56 am (UTC)
re
be cool hunny bunny . whats Frosty like in the winter....?
you know if you ever wanna take hooks all you gotta do is ask!
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Rollarchmage on December 14th, 2006 03:47 pm (UTC)
Re: re
Yikes, no, no hooks for me!
Betsedivinemissb on December 14th, 2006 08:46 am (UTC)
I hadn't read this when we talked earlier. =(

Forgive me if this is blunt or out-of-line, but it makes me angry to see a friend have to deal with a situation like this.

Like someone else said above, you're a good man in a bad position. Do not let it drag you farther down than you can climb back up. You are doing a HUGE favor for your family. That's an incredibly noble thing to do, but there has to be a point where you say "enough" and do what YOU need and salvage what you can for you and Dianna. You have already given up a lot and you already resent the situation. If you continue to let yourself be taken advantage of and treated badly, it will start to ripple out and affect other areas of your life. Yes, Ray's got every reason to be bitter/angry/depressed about his situation, but it is NOT acceptable that he takes it out on YOU. Tell him so. What's the worst thing that could happen? He ignores you? At least you've put him on notice that you're not going to put up with being treated badly. If you don't say anything, he'll think it's OK to continue to treat you that way. (What was it someone said the other night? "Why'd you do that?" "Because you let me." Different situation, I know, but you get where I'm going with it?)

Ray isn't going to look out for you.
Rose isn't going to look out for you.
The rest of the family isn't going to look out for you, and they are all going to have to understand (or at least accept it) when you say "I can't do this anymore".

You have to do what's best for you and Dianna, and I am damn sure that the best thing for you isn't to have the life and joy sucked out of you by a terrible situation that isn't your fault. There is nothing wrong with saying "I can't handle this job." Being a caregiver is very taxing and doing it for family is even moreso. If you weren't there to take up this task, who would? They'd find a way. There are alternatives. Let them figure it out. Ultimately, it is NOT your responsibility. It's Ray's and Rose's.
ex_leopardp on December 14th, 2006 04:07 pm (UTC)
*Stands up and applauds you*

Here, here!
syrinakintarisyrinakintari on December 14th, 2006 09:59 pm (UTC)
SHe's right you know.
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Rollarchmage on December 14th, 2006 11:41 pm (UTC)
I do know, and she knows me well enough to say so. (This is one of my friday night gamers, BTW).
No Time For Love, Dr. Jones: WWSMD?polarbear on December 14th, 2006 09:21 am (UTC)
Hardship is one thing brother, disrespect is another.

Blood is blood, but when someone who is relying on you is sticking one in your gut, there is always a time and a place to draw the line and say no more.

Just because someone is family doesn't give them any more right to sully you in any fashion than a stranger on the street. I'd say just the opposite in fact.

Stay true to yourself. Chin up.
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll: Archmage Drinkingarchmage on December 14th, 2006 11:42 pm (UTC)
I'm tryin', me boyo. I'm tryin'.