chaosreality later said he could smell it, too. Never did figure out what it was.OK, so, with that little worry-factory churning away, took one of my pills. I gotta tell ya, I'm not gonna do that any more. I talked to a doctor a while back about these strange little panic attack feelings I get. They aren't huge or anything, but when one of them hits, I can't calm down, my heart rate is up, and it's incredibly frustrating. I has asked for Valium or something, something I could just take as needed. He recommended Buspirone, which he said would do the same thing, but without the addictive narcotic. Sounded good, but whenever I take it, soon after I'll get a 'hollow' kinda feeling in my chest as well as the occasional strange sensation that my heart is taking a couple of huge beats, like some kind of spasm, I can't describe it better than that. So far, it's done this, maybe twice, and gone away, but yesterday, it wouldn't go away at all. By the time I went to bed, it was making me a little nauseous. Sometime in the near-ish future, I'm making a new doc appointment, talk to him about this, find something else.
Fell asleep, ended up having rotten dreams. I recall going to some room with Dianna, and in it were these blonde twins, young, very sexy. I don't recall what they were saying, but the implication was that there was something sexual to be had. They left to prepare, and I remarked on a mess on the bed. Fixing the sheets, there was more of it, and from somewhere I produced a hose and started spraying off the bed. One came back in, half dressed and working on the rest, the other came shortly behind, again saying something I don't remember. However, right after that, in came some adults, apparently family of theirs, and we were no longer in a bedroom, but a large open area, like a combination kitchen/bar/salon/living room. I greeted them all, and the long and short of it was that this was a large boat or yacht, and we were going to be sailing somewhere, which I guess no boat had done. I remember this seeming odd, since it wasn't that long a trip, maybe a couple hours, but I knew I'd be stuck here bored. As we pulled out (a truck was towing us to the marina), I remember
divinemissb saying she wasn't going to be able to make it, something about sick days (which is a bleed-over from the real world, as she's been sick and couldn't make it to my place Friday night as she usually does). Somewhere in here, I got off the yacht without anyone really knowing, and was walking. I guess I didn't want to be stuck on the boat, but then I figured, I should do it. My plan was something along the lines of getting something, no idea what, but meeting them at the marina for the trip. I was walking through streets and what was some kind of campus, looking through an odd deck of cards, one of which was misprinted, and I was trying to figure out how I was going to have this fixed. Eventually, I was walking through streets, I had a backpack on my back and a stack of papers in my hand. I was on a warehouse loading dock, talking to a man who must be connected to the guy with the yacht, and apologizing for what I'd done, and telling him to get hold of another guy who had set it all up. I walked away, through a construction yard, through a chain-link gate, and onto a side walk. Pulling out my phone, I tried to call someone, but only got an answering machine in Japanese. This was a very scruffy area, lots of people but not safe. As I passed this one guy, he singled me out for some reason, and I knew if I ignored him or ran, it would just be worse, so I stopped and tried to greet him, friendly-like, but he only got angry and was joined by another guy. I offered him the papers I had, letting him know that they were stocks and worth a lot of money, that I didn't have anything else. They patted me down to be sure, but weren't interested, asking if I had a gun. I told them no, then remembered that I DID have one, in the back of my waistband. Lifting my shirt, I told them where it was and let them pull it out, knowing that if I reached for it, they'd have shot me before I could get to it. One pulled it out, pointed it away, and shot all the bullets in it. The other, a little disgusted, pulled his own pistol and did the same. Somewhere in here, I asked if I could just leave now, and they made some comment about making a few more of these things, thin blue sticks that were some kind of drug, and after they were done, if they saw me, they'd kill me, so I grabbed my backpack and left. However, as I was leaving, gates started to close on the area, and I did not want to be trapped here, so I ran. Someone ahead of me jumped a fence, but as I came to a low gate, I found myself unable to vault it. Just as a woman jumped over and started fighting with some random person I couldn't see, I woke up.At that point, it was nearly 5am, and I couldn't go back to sleep. I tried, but it wasn't happening. Got up, came downstairs, grabbed my canned air, gave my computer a good clean-out, and fired it up to write this all out. I'm tired, I gotta take Ray to therapy today, and I still feel a little nauseous. It's going to be a very long day.