God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll (archmage) wrote,
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll
archmage

Pandemonium, Never-Ceasing

So, last night, we went to bed a little early. swanwhite and I have been really tired, lately, so it seemed like a good idea, and it would have been...except, about an hour after she went to sleep, while I was still reading (but had dozed off, I think), the phone rang. It was her Mom.

There had been a car accident. Brandon (Dianna's nephew) is dead.

Now, let me put this in perspective. This is not some distant relation, seen twice a year at Christmas and Thanksgiving. Out at the farm, you have Rose and Ray in their house, Amanda and James in their trailer (friends of Crystel), and you have Crystel (daughter, Dianna's sister) in her house. Also living in Crystel's house are Brandon (Crystel's younger son) and Katie (who he just married, like 2 weeks ago) and Dylan (their son, about a year old)...and Katie is supposed to give birth to their second son within the week. Brandon worked like a dog, constantly, to not only provide for Katie but to help provide for Crystel and pay the house note, plus helped out around the farm, whenever needed. So, yeah, close member of the family.

From what little I found out, the doctors worked on him for a couple hours, but he had severed an artery and there really wasn't anything they could do. I don't have any other details yet, and maybe there aren't any significant facts to glean. In the end, he's dead, and I'm quite sure everyone up there is a flippin' wreck...hmm, bad choice of words. Well, anyway.

Obviously, Dianna didn't sleep much.

Now, here is where things get...oh, I dunno. See, as we all know, I'm a realist. It's not that I'm cold and emotionless (which is how I have been described, more than once), it's that I let logic take the lead. I cannot change what happened, and I feel little point or need to cry over it. It is tragic on many levels, but I feel no need to go ape. Instead (or perhaps, because of this) I tend to look at the logistics of it all. I wonder what is going to go on with Crystel, as Brandon's income was helping pay the mortgage, and she already works two jobs. I think about Katie, with one little one here and another coming in days, now widowed. I know Rose is a mess over this, and I know Ray was very close to him, too, and I'm sure he's not doing well.

Then there's the thoughts that would probably be considered selfish. Like the fact that, just yesterday, I was talking with James about extending the front ramp for wheelchair access to the house, and while James has experience with concrete, we were gonna bring Brandon in for the carpentry (which is what he did for a living). Now, he won't be doing that, so I suppose I have to...and I don't know much about it. Other things along those lines, things that I (or anyone else) won't have his back-up on, basically. Obviously, I've got the whole "I really don't want to deal with this" thing going on, too. I don't have the energy or, frankly, the will to deal with a bunch of emotional people right now, thanks, especially when I'm going to be non-emotional in the middle of it. I'm not gonna wanna sit around and see everyone fall apart, and I don't have the energy to attempt to comfort them, especially knowing that there really isn't anything anyone can do, the'll need to mourn and get it out of their system...and, seeing as how close to home this hit, that won't be quick, and I don't want to deal with that, either. The dead are dead, you have to go one living. I wonder how long it'll be before normalcy reasserts itself. Maybe never.

Meanwhile, my shoulder is worse than ever, and last night, my left knee started acting up, and is no better today. That's not gonna make life any better. Just one more thing the Universe is heaping on my shoulders. No, it's not all about me, but I'm involved, and I'd like my vacation now, please, perhaps even early retirement. Hello? Could I have a break, please?
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    Jim Jeffries On Why Other Countries Think US Gun Laws Are Crazy Pretty well sums it all up, as far as I'm concerned.

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