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04 May 2008 @ 01:39 am
So, since I couldn't sleep anyway, I did something that I'm gonna go WAY out on a limb, here, and say that absolutely NONE of you would have expected me to do.

I watched Iron Man.

I had originally thought that I'd place my thoughts about this piece of cinematic crap behind a cut. Why? Well, because my opinion, as you would have previously guessed and can now confirm, is not in line with the rest of you. Knowing this, and knowing how much you all seem to love it, I figured I wouldn't subject you to my annoyed ramblings. But then, I had another thought, which was that, if I was going to type it all out anyway, then why hide it? A cut would have just been a cheap way to get you to read it, since you'd want to know exactly what I had to say that was so scathing that I felt I needed to hide it from random eyes. And, since you read me, then you know my typical opinions anyway, and would skip it regardless or not as is your choice. So, with all that said, fuck it, here I go.

Right, Iron Man. What a waste of two hours of my night. An hour and a half of weak story and weak writing, with just enough snark to make the fanboys happy with a few quotable lines, followed by 80% of the movie's budget crammed into a fight sequence that I'm being generous to call unoriginal. One-dimensional main characters, supported by cardboard cut-outs that are standing around as window dressing to a plot that wouldn't strain an elementary child's brain to write.

Honestly, you can't tell me that you hadn't figured out every "twist and turn" that the plot would make, within the first 20 minutes of this pablum. It couldn't have been more obvious if they'd written these glaring plot points in Day-Glo paint on the side of a building and then posted it to MySpace with a YouTube link. The spare chest glowie. The ice/altitude issue. The "left behind" pieces. The giant but useless reactor. And let's not ignore the awfully convenient moments, like the perfect positioning it took to make Stark hit the plane's wing so he could save a life, or the smack-in-de-face obvious War Machine sequel set-up.

Sure, I'll give you this, the armor looked good. It damn well better have.

I tried. You may not believe this, but I tried. I've seen posts all over my f-list this weekend, people raving about how fuckin' great the movie was. How it rocked, how it was the best superhero movie yet, how Downey was perfect as Stark, how action-packed and suspense-filled it was, yadda yadda yadda. So I thought "Hey, Sin City was amazing, and I've said many times that it was proof that you could do a comic book film and not make be standard Hollywood ballyhoo, so maybe this one actually hits the mark too, let's see"...

Nope. This is the same Hollywood fluff I know and loathe. Light, fluffy, as much substance as a cloud, carefully avoiding making anyone put any more brain-power into it than it takes to shove another handful of jujubes into their mouth. It was hyped, and it made money from the fact that it, like every other hyped film, gets lots of attendance when it opens because the American public has already shelled out it's cash to see last week's openers, and it'll be raved about and babbled about and lauded...until the next big hype-fest comes out, and then it'll be forgotten. At least until the sequel, when it'll start up again, and the fast-food merchandising will roll back out, and the 4-disc special collector's "Repulsor Ray" edition comes out, with the 2-pack of Iron Man 1 & 2 hot on it's heels.

In short, it was all that I had previously thought it would be, and all I hoped it would not be when I took a chance on it.
Echotwilighthalcyon on May 4th, 2008 08:45 am (UTC)
your icon amuses me
Kesper Northkespernorth on May 4th, 2008 09:45 am (UTC)
Well, goddamn! I hate Marvel, I hate DC, superheroes bore me, the very concept of superheroes bores me, and I loved this movie to little bits.

That should tell you something, I guess.
King Joe the Wicked: Arnold - See you at the party Richterthewalkingman on May 4th, 2008 04:43 pm (UTC)
you're fucking retarded.
No Time For Love, Dr. Jones: p0wned!polarbear on May 4th, 2008 05:51 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - archmage on May 4th, 2008 09:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thewalkingman on May 4th, 2008 11:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - archmage on May 5th, 2008 02:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thewalkingman on May 5th, 2008 06:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - archmage on May 5th, 2008 06:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thewalkingman on May 5th, 2008 06:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
No Time For Love, Dr. Jones: you disappoint mepolarbear on May 4th, 2008 06:00 pm (UTC)
Seeing as how there are only seven basic plots and storylines in all writing/movies, the human brain is quite good at sussing them all out.

Remember that it's entertainment. And action entertainment at that.
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll: Atomic Brainarchmage on May 4th, 2008 09:16 pm (UTC)
Brainless pablum is not entertainment to me.
(no subject) - polarbear on May 4th, 2008 09:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - archmage on May 4th, 2008 09:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - polarbear on May 4th, 2008 10:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - polarbear on May 4th, 2008 10:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - archmage on May 4th, 2008 11:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - archmage on May 4th, 2008 11:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
rifkinite on May 4th, 2008 07:41 pm (UTC)
On some level I agree. Comics make a poor transition to movies, Hollywood should stick to destroying old classics, like Indiana Jones.

Iron Man was, "neat," it was pretty, it's going to sell some slurpies and whoppers. I would call it good only in relation to other movies hitting the theaters. It was good if I am Legend is the baseline.

Most people don't want to pay $10 to sit in a dark room and think. They want their mommies to spoon feed them, and whipe the spittle off their chins, so they can stare at boobs and explosions. Personally I think the other consumers are to blame, not the system that gives them what they want.
Skeletoncrew: Dawnskeletoncrew on May 4th, 2008 08:21 pm (UTC)
I confess to sort of being one of those people. However, I'd argue that I don't enjoy "deep plots" because it is too easy for a film to affect my emotions negatively. I don't want to come out of a film feeling depressed or sad. Enough bad stuff happens in real life to make me feel down, I don't need fictional downers too.

That said, I don't like things too dumbed down. I look at the ads for a lot of the new comedies and suspect I'm not the target audience because they don't look very funny. Of course, I enjoy special effects, costuming, and set design, so I can ignore bad plot/acting/whatever if the film is visually interesting to me.
(no subject) - archmage on May 4th, 2008 09:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - skeletoncrew on May 4th, 2008 09:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - archmage on May 5th, 2008 02:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rifkinite on May 5th, 2008 03:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rifkinite on May 5th, 2008 05:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
avantardavantard on May 5th, 2008 06:38 am (UTC)
I just got back form the theater myself and I really enjoyed it a a popcorn comic book flick. I'm really excited about the sequel that the easter egg set up. This is definitely a "to each his own" kind of thing. I totally respect your opinion, though I may not agree with it. I certainly don't think calling you names because you didn't enjoy it to be a very mature reaction, but that's the internet for ya.

I also saw the trailer for the new Hulk movie. That CG looks terrible. I *was* looking forward to it. Now? Not so much.

I also also saw the Spirit trailer. That looks very promising, even if it is a year away.
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Rollarchmage on May 5th, 2008 02:38 pm (UTC)
I totally respect your opinion, though I may not agree with it.

And, see, that's all that matters. I do not expect people to agree with me; like what you wanna like. But to be a dick about it, that's just immature and stupid.

Hulk, no surprise. Can't believe someone would come along and make ANOTHER Hulk movie, so fast on the heels of the last failures. Talk about no creativity...The Spirit looks to have potential, I just wish it didn't look quite so Sin City-ish. Still, wait and see.

Edited at 2008-05-05 02:38 pm (UTC)
Lost TsomewhereIME: sorrytsomewhereime on May 5th, 2008 06:39 am (UTC)
would it be better in spanish ???
LOL sorry there big man

Normally I am right there with you on most movies, but I really dug this movie.

Ironman to me has always been like a GMing a group of newbies to Basic DnD not very deep lots of typical and predictable lines. Yet I still find a way to enjoy it :)

I liked the little things in the movie. I had a total geekasim with Starks computer. The cars were beautiful. I liked RDJ. I liked the background stuff, to me it seemed that they knew the story was weak so they fleshed out the background stuff to make up for it.

Unlike SinCity which made me feel like everything was happening in front of a screen that was painted by a high school drama team ( did not stop me from loving that movie) so to each his own.

I do wish that the arts would stretch our brains a little and make better stories and music. I doubt it will happen because it is about the money not the message.

Miss you bro give that hot wife of yours a grope for me. \m/
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll: Archmage Drinkingarchmage on May 5th, 2008 02:40 pm (UTC)
Re: would it be better in spanish ???
True, but Sin City's visuals were perfect versions of Miller's art, and it gave it a very distinctive look that worked well.

Oh, and I gave the grope. ;)
clothing5 on May 5th, 2008 08:35 pm (UTC)
Also, Brother Bear did a poor job of stimulating me intellectually. I mean, what the hell, right? If I had my way, I would have made Brother Bear an intense psychological thriller in which the bear is actually one man's schizophrenic vision of God. I don't know what kind of brain dead moron they made that movie for...and don't even GET me started on Rugrats: The Movie!
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll: Archmage Drinkingarchmage on May 5th, 2008 09:05 pm (UTC)
Heh, wondered how long it would be before the troll brought in friends to harrass.
thndrchldthndrchld on May 6th, 2008 04:02 am (UTC)
Only a few points
First, obviously your 'little friend' doesn't know you, because you ARE smarter than most people. Also we, your friends, LIKE hearing your opinions and beg you to share them.

I have not seen the movie. I remember the Comix. I remember that I liked it. Better than Batman or Spiderman. I was maybe 10 when I read the last one I ever read. That would have been back in the mid sixties. But then I totally love Judge Dredd, and people look at me weird about that.

I am an action movie lover. For me they are the catharsis movies. I feel better after seeing a lot of stuff blown up. However ACTION moves like Armageddon, Matrix I, The Die Hards, Star Wars, etc come to mind as the best of action. For different reasons. Star Wars because it was ALL about the special effects. The story was classic, the characters instantly recognizable, didn't get in the way of a saga told in special effects that took us off this planet for a bit.

Maybe this was the same kind of movie?

Don't get me wrong. I watch just about everything except horror, and even some of that. I love a movie that surprises me, a movie that is so good it doesn't need special effects. And I sit there, hypnotised by great acting only to hear people all around 'not getting it'. So yeah, they have to dumb down a few of them, everyone deserves entertainment.

And of course you are right, they could do better. But they would have to hire really good writers. Really good writers rarely will write for Movies, as it hurts to see their stuff butchered. So there we are. But come on, list your top 20 all time favorites. The movies that you will watch over and over, or the ones that left marks in your mind you revisit often. What movies typify 'great' in your book?
Steveill the Weevill: Dredd Love Hurtssynabetic on May 6th, 2008 10:02 pm (UTC)
Re: Only a few points
People look at you weird when you say you love Old Stony Face or when you say you love the Judge Dredd movie?
Re: Only a few points - archmage on May 6th, 2008 10:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Only a few points - synabetic on May 6th, 2008 10:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Only a few points - archmage on May 6th, 2008 10:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Steveill the Weevillsynabetic on May 6th, 2008 10:00 pm (UTC)
Hey man, I just thought I'd say that though I haven't see it yet, I appreciate you having an opinion on Iron Man. I have a feeling I may love it... But who knows!

Anyhow, the extra comedy in the comments? Pure gold. Thank you, sir. :)
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll: Frog Lickarchmage on May 6th, 2008 10:12 pm (UTC)
If I'm gonna stay open to the public, I have to accept that both the "cream of the crop" and the "cream of the crap" can both have their say.
(no subject) - synabetic on May 6th, 2008 10:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)