What is that step?

Saying "no."

Ah... sometimes, a most needed skill..

One of the hardest things for me to learn (I'm still working on it) is that, as much as I prefer it, it's not always better for my friends/loved ones to be happy.

People choose unhappiness for a variety of reasons. I do, too, sometimes. Sometimes it's very clear and very simple what someone (like me) needs to do to solve their problems, but that person is choosing not to do it. It's okay to say, "By the way, in case you're too close to the situation to realize it, this is how you could be happy. And it's OK if you do that." But then it really helps to stand back and objectively perceive, "Ah, they are choosing not to fix this problem." Then, even if you are nowhere close to understanding why, respect that they're on their own path.

It's my own Invisible Pink Unicorn of Faith: behaving as if I believe that people are guided by a higher inner whatever, to choose the struggles they need to...burn karma or fulfill dharma or become what they need to be or something. I'm not invested in it being true, but my life is better if I behave as if it were true.

Practical Golden Rule application: You want your friends to respect your right to hang on to the problems you choose, right?

That's the guru side talking. The real-world me gets frustrated as hell and winds up pursing my lips and yelling when somebody I love, especially my daughter, deliberately chooses problems where solutions are so clearly possible.

Dude, I've been that friend more times than I can count. It's uncomfortable, but if it makes things better in the long run it's totally worth it.

That's what I'm trying to keep in mind, fer sher.