July 6th, 2001



so, it's midnight, I probably should be going to bed, but I don't really care. I got Vampy's site work done, so that's a plus...now I can stop feeling bad for how long I put it off and didn't get it done (I'm sorry cheaps1utsavior!). Now just have to get to work on the rest of what has been put off due to the whole break-up/moving her out/spending all my free time with Heidi thing.

I wasn't certain earlier today, but now I am...I'm starting to go through one of my phases. Joy, joy and rapture. Well, fine, at least I can just be depressed in peace, and keep myself occupied, and maybe it'll pass quicker since things are pretty good at the moment.

Heidi told Alice last night that she thought I told her I loved her the night before and didn't know what to do. I know I thought it, but I don't think I said it, so she was probably mistaken, but who knows for sure? Regardless, Alice assured her that, knowing the sitch, I wouldn't do that to her...and then Heidi admitted that she loves me, too, and that she's a little down that she finally found a man that she really thinks could 'put up with her' and she has to move away. Well, hell, shit and damnation. At least, I can look at this as more of a chance that she will come back...because I love her. But enough of that for the moment, I don't need to drag myself down any more, next thing you know, I'll be writing bad angst poetry in black ink, on black paper, in a room with the lights out, listening to Ronny James Dio.

Paid bills and realized I have no spare money. There go several plans I had.

I really hope my cellphone shows up soon, I'm actually anxious for it (*shudder*).

Supposed to have people over tomorrow night for movies, looks like it's gonna be me, Alice, Heidi, Scott, and Veronica. Guess this means I better clean up the place, and I should get some posters up, I HATE blank walls. Good thing I'm not tired...
  • Current Music
    Stabbing Westward - Waking Up Beside You

(no subject)

Now I know I am depressed. It's 3:30 in the morning, I've been putting up posters all night (the place finally looks like i live here), and I just watched 'The People Vs. Larry Flynt' (kinda a downer near the end) and 'Red Shoe Diaries' ( a total downer - both great movies though), and I'm still not tired, in fact I'm hungry again. I just threw in 'Fantastic Planet', so maybe I'll actually go to sleep.

OK, *THIS* I don't need...

You ever see 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'? Where Indiana Jones asks "Snakes...why did it have to be snakes?" That's what I've got going on right now. Of all the days, why today, why did it have to be Chamblin whining to me?

She pops up on my AIM (thank the goddess I was at lunch), asking me if I would take some time next weekend, while they are up here, to talk to Ian and explain to him why I am not around anymore. Apparently he keeps asking for me (See? I haven't even been in the same STATE as the boys for a month now, and they STILL want me!). I dropped her an e-mail letting her know I was gonna be gone all weekend (Mick and Auralee's wedding), and that she should just tell him the facts, and the longer she held out, the harder it would be, on her and him. Well, she pops up later, and I'm here, and gets whiny with me, about how he just won't let up and she doesn't wanna tell him that I'm 'not his Daddy anymore'.

See what I mean? She won't take respponsibility for them, and doesn't even consider the fact that if they are asking for me, bringing them to SEE me isn't going to help. I admit I got a little rude with her, telling her to take the responsibility as their mother to get the job done. So she gets offended and logs off, with a bullshit excuse about being on someone else's computer...as if to say, she can get on and chat with me about something that is not immediately important, but she cannot continue when her face gets shoved into something.

Whatever. I can only hope the boys get raised right and good...which pretty much means they need to grow up and be raised by SOMEONE ELSE.

I need to go home and curl up in a dark corner.
  • Current Music
    Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse Of The Heart