March 29th, 2002


The Bill of Rights Modernized

The following has apparently been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA, but I can neither confirm nor deny this...

"We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal, bed-wetters.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights".

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens,don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness -- which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the "Bill of Rights."

If you agree, share this with a friend. No, you don't have to, and nothing tragic will befall you if you don't. I just think it is about time common sense is allowed to flourish - call it the age of reason.
  • Current Music
    LaTour - Involved

Friday 5...courtesy of magikgrrl

1. What in your life is different today than it was a year go?
~ A year ago...I was Daddy, I was broke, and I was unhappy.

2. Have you ever been caught in a compromising position?
~ Oh yeah....

3. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
~ Scotland, most likely

4. What do you do to escape from it all?
~ Escape? What's that?

5. What are your weekend plans?
~ Clean my house, enjoy the silence

Stalked By The Almighty

OK, now this is funny. This guy has apparently decided that his life's work is to make drawings of people in their everyday lives, with Jesus there beside them, the theme being "I'm always with you", that's all well and good. Whatever gets you through the day, right? But some of, I can think of MUCH funnier captions for them...

Secretary: "Wow, look at the tits on that one...hey, AIM me the link to that site, wouldja?"

Student: "C'mon, baby, let's head to my place...betcha never been with a Savior before, eh?"

Juggler: OK, no funny caption for this one, but the guy looks like he suffers from Down's Syndrome...and that I'd LOVE to watch!

Trucker: "OK, sudden moves, and no one gets hurt. I'm hijacking this truck!"

Executive: "Jesus...this is the hardest part of being the boss. But your performance has been slipping lately..."

Guitarist: "Thank you everyone! Lemme introduce the band...on the Moog Organ, give it up for JEEEEEEEESUUUUUUUS!!!!!"

OK, that's prolly enough...I'm going to Hell. Check the rest of them, they are sure to inspire a few of your own...