September 17th, 2003


Random Cognition

Not much to say today...I dunno. Kinda slow happs...on the other hand, last night I got the dubious honour of being able to say that I'm one of the few non-professional people that has scrubbed and clipped a cat's ass. Don't ask, long story, but everyone involved is much happier.
Have you ever found yourself strangely obsessed with someone? I don't mean the heavy infatuation-type of obsession, where they are all you think about and you go out of your way to stalk them (in whatever sense you choose to do it)...I mean just a weird, mellow, almost unconscious obsession with someone that makes you stop and cock an eyebrow at yourself every time you come across their picture or hear their name. You aren't unhappy where you are, and you're not wondering 'what if' or anything like that...and yet, simultaneously, the thought has occured to you before, and will again. You don't tell the person, because they don't think the same, and even if they did, you aren't changing anything, and wouldn't. You damn sure don't say anything to your significant other, because there's no way to explain it without making them twitchy, and besides, there isn't anything to tell: you aren't doing anything even VAGUELY bad, and you wouldn't, regardless. So, you start to feel like you should feel guilty, even though you've done nothing, because you feel someone else would be hurt by the knowledge...and when you get over feeling like you should feel guilty, then you actually DO feel guilty...and now you feel like an idiot for the whole thing, because THERE'S NOTHING THERE TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT.

Maybe you just flirt. Or maybe you just don't care. Or maybe you transfer those feelings into some hobby. Or maybe you go out of your way to distance yourself from your obsession. Or maybe, just maybe, you collect pictures, and just leave them around, and occasionally glance at them and smile, because they make you happy, for no describable reason.
Almost finished with "Cryptonomicon"...I'm happy to say that the plot finally made me excited. It's weird, but up until around page 800 or so, I was reading, and I was interested, but I wasn't excited...I wasn't hurrying to discover the plot. NOW I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes. Recent old-book purchases have garnered me the missing books from Feist's 'Riftwar' saga, so, now that I have the whole damn thing again, I will start rereading it after I'm done. I suppose I'll start catching up on the books he's written on this series that I never read once I get up to that point.
Dammit, I miss gaming already. Not getting to game was bad enough, but finally getting to start again, and then losing it AGAIN just SUCKS.
I really need to get back to doing the LJ Tarot Cards.
  • Current Music
    Silent Hill 2 - Opening (Laura's Theme)
Burn The World

Keeping The Status / Leather Love

discordian and I, unfortunately, don't get to talk as much as we used to. Schedules and such are just that way, I suppose, but it still sucks...however, it's good to see some things never change. He calls me up today, out of the blue, in the middle of some fabulous lunch he's having somewhere out there in New York, simply to ask me a question about some obscure subject. I can totally visualize it: there he is, seated at the lunch table, just nearing the end of his venison cutlet in raspberry sauce (yes, that is what he was eating...yummers!), talking with other bigwig muckety-mucks, when something comes up that no one seems to know. In normal circles, the group would think about it for a few minutes, and then give up and move on...but no, not here. Issac simply tells the group that he'll have the answer in minutes, whips out his cell phone, and dials the number to the 24-hour Encyclopaedia Chaotica...and gets his answer. Makes me look good, makes HIM look good...what more could you ask for? ya, bro'.

You know it's gonna be a good day when you wake up and realize that it's time to pull the leather jacket out of the closet again. I admit it, I'm in total love with my leather jacket; my leather trenchcoat is a close second, but nothing beats my cycle jacket. Every year, when the time comes and it comes back into regular usage, that first time of wearing it is always something to be savored: you just hold it for a moment, feeling that leather against your skin, so familiar, almost alive...let the smell hit your nostrils and inhale deeply, the memories flooding your thoughts...the light hits the zipper, chains, and accoutrements, sending gleaming diamond shards into the mind's eye...the weight of it in your hands is like the weight of a thousand tales...sliding your arms into it is like applying a second skin, like it belongs there and nowhere else...the creak of the leather gives your every movement extra gravity, extra meaning...

...*happy sigh* I love my leather jacket.
  • Current Music
    Moulin Rouge (Jose Feliciano) - El Tango De Roxanne
Worship Chaos

Random Readings

For one brief second, I just felt a vast tidal wave of depression crash over me, drowning me in it's suffocating brine, stinging my eyes with the dissolved salts of sadness, chilling me deeply...and riding that wave like a razorblade surfboard was a sleek, dark, cold, evil shard of seething hatred for the person whose post I was reading at that moment.

And then I reminded myself that it's not their fault that I can't have what I want. So I got over it.
The Mask (Laughing)


Nothing quite as much fun as talking to two good friends (separately) about ex-relationships that went bad...all the while listening to Phil Collins and Phil Bailey singing "Easy Lover". Throw in the funniest random babble convo I've had in a long time, and season to taste.
  • Current Music
    Journey - Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'