November 19th, 2003

Smackdown (Anger)

Shut Up And Sit Down

I'm sure you guys have all heard the new buzzword, 'metrosexual'. Now, would any of you like to attempt give me a definition of it that isn't completely stupid?

According to a couple articles that I boiled down, it's been defined as a straight, sensitive, well-educated, urban dweller who is in touch with his feminine side. He may have a standing appointment for a weekly manicure, and he probably has his hair cared for by a stylist rather than a barber. He loves to shop, he may wear jewelry, and his bathroom counter is most likely filled with male-targeted grooming products, including moisturisers (and perhaps even a little make-up). He may work on his physique at a fitness club (not a gym) and his appearance probably gets him lots of attention -- and he's delighted by every stare. Metrosexual men are very secure in their sexuality. They're comfortable getting a facial or a pedicure. It doesn't make them feel any less masculine or any less heterosexual.

So, it's a guy. Who doesn't feel "forced" to be manly. But it doesn't mean he's gay. Um....OK. So fucking what?

My initial point here is the very term "metrosexual". Heterosexuality is an attraction to those of opposite gender, homosexuality is an attraction to those of similar gender, metrosexuality is an attraction to, what, buildings? Say what you mean and mean what you say, kids.

OK, so what makes this guy different? There have always been men who didn't feel they had to be manly, who were fine with shopping for the right clothes and got facials and pedicures, and were into gourmet food, and loved their urban lifestyle that let them pay for all this. The word you're looking for is YUPPIE (and before 'yuppie', it was 'liberated man'). As this had nothing to do with sexual preference, these was no sexual connotation to the word. But this is the modern day; buzzwords are everything and everywhere. you can't stand out without a buzzword to back you up, and association with the latest buzzword immediately kicks you up on the daily cool-o-meter...until the next buzzword comes out, that is.

So, we took yuppie, a word that has become a slur, and changed it to something hip and new, 'metrosexual'. 'Metro', because in the country, you'd never get a pedicure, and 'sexual', because sex gets people's attention. Now, advertising can start to be geared towards this group, and elitists can snub those who aren't and talk down about them. A new wave of effeminate "but all man" men will grace our airwaves and magazine covers, promoting 'metrosexual chic'. Self-help books? You betcha. Sooner or later, there will be 'metrosexual' support groups, for those that are a part of this clique, but live somewhere like Nebraska, where people think he's 'just not right'. Yes, it's the American Way. If you feel at all oppressed or put upon, or like you aren't getting a bigger piece of the pie than someone, just form your own group, make up a catchy name for it, and convince others that not only are they part of it, they WANT to be part of it. Eventually, you'll get your own legislation.

You don't need a catchy name and media coverage to live your life the way you want to live just DO IT. It's bad enough when people pigeon-hole you into whatever group they think you are part of...why would you want to do it for them? You run with the herd, you get treated like a herd...fuckin' cattle.

EDIT: Oh, look, it's already started. Advertising and products geared towards the metrosexual. May I present MAN-n-BAG, who's laughable ad copy reads "If it's not a MAN-n-BAG, it's a purse!" Um, got news for you, kids:" it IS a purse. get over it.
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SNOW!!!!! This may not mean much to some of you, but we had a VERY long hot summer...thought it would never get cold. ANd when it actually started snowing this morning, it didn't look like it was gonna stick...and now it's piling up. Kick ass...

The View From My Back Door

EDIT: there's something like 4 inches on the ground...hoo-ah...

Can I Get A 'DUH' From The Congregation?

Oh, this is just so pathetic, it's cute. Paris Hilton now says she is embarrassed. For those who live under a rock, Paris Hilton, heiress to the Hilton Hotel fortunes, has recently been very much a videotape of her and a former boyfriend en flagrante delicto.

"I feel embarrassed and humiliated, especially because my parents and the people who love me have been hurt," she says. She also says that she never thought the tape would become public. First off, let's be straight up: is she embarrassed she did it? No, she's embarrassed that she got caught. I've seen a couple snippets of the tape, and believe me, she ain't embarrassed to be there (you aren't missing anything, by the way...*yawn*...she spends as much time staring into the camera as she does humping). Secondly, in today's world, HOW many tapes come out of celebrities having sex? After Pam & Tommy, there was Vince and Janine, and before that was Tonya Harding's wedding night...and countless others. You make a tape of yourself bumpin' uglies, you're a social personality, and you don't immediately destroy the tape before it leaves your sight...then it's going public. Don't be naive.

Here's the part I REALLY love. The ex-b/f sues Hilton, her parents, and her publicist (as if any of them had anything to do with this, beyond her) for $10 MILLION, claiming that they are engaging in a campaign to make him look like a rapist to protect Paris's image. I'd like to see where that is going on, since nothing I've seen says anything of the sort, and, again from watching the tape, no one could possibly believe that he was forcing her. Then, he goes and sues Marvad Corp. (Internet porn company) for ANOTHER $10 MILLION, claiming they distributed the tape without legal rights. Can we say 'overkill'?

Oh, but it gets better. Marvad then sues the ex-b/f's former roommate (this is starting to sound like 'Spaceballs') for MORE THAN $10 MILLION, claiming he misled them into thinking HE had the legal rights to the tape (what, they didn't check? Whatta buncha morons.). The ex-roomie says he had an agreement with the ex-b/f (confused yet? I am.) to sell the tape. Marvad agreed to stop distribution after it found out it had been had.

Cripes...shoot them all. Just get it over with.
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