December 2nd, 2003

The Mask (Laughing)


Sometimes, various factors come together to create a phrase that just comes out sounding wrong.

Factor 1: I have a pair of slippers that look like giant hairy hairy feet, I sometimes refer to them as my 'Yeti slippers'. Man, I love these things, I've had them for probably a good 8 years or so.

Factor 2: my kittens were not properly weaned, and like to get comfy with very shaggy things and start sucking on them.

So, my cats get into the bedroom this morning, and while I'm reading LJ posts, I hear this little sound coming from behind me to the right, and I turn around to see Socrates (my cat, not the dead philosopher) snuggled up with my slipper, attempting to nurse or something. Without stopping to think about it, I yell:

"Dammit, dude, stop sucking on my feet!"

News Goofiness

First off, thanks to stig_mata, we have PETA's newest stupid move. Now, they are trying to get schools to stop using animals for dissection. I dunno what they think would be used in their place. Frankly, I think we should just vivisect PETA members. This is the kind of bullshit that will keep PETA in the lowly position that it finds itself these yahoos have nothing better to do? Fuck, man...go get laid or something.

Secondly, thanks to my undead buddy unrepentant, we have the note that Dodge plans a pay-per-view 'Lingerie Bowl' during the Super Bowl halftime. Yep, spend $30, and you, too, can watch seven lace-clad ladies play football with seven other lace-clad ladies, teams coached by Eric Dickerson and Lawrence Taylor.

Fuckin' Christ...I hate people. Half of them complain about things that don't need to be complained about, and the other half are obsessed with idiocy. Come to think of it, the two aren't actually that separate.
The Mask (Laughing)

All In How You Word It

A pastor wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.
However at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead.
He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races.
To his surprise, the donkey came in third. The next day the local paper carried this headline: PASTOR'S ASS SHOWS.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he enter it in the race again, and this time it won.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
  • Current Music
    Rush - Subdivisions
Burn The World

Icon Work

I just love it when people contact me to do an icon and then neglect to tell me what their LJ is...I have no idea who's going to be displaying this new one...

...but hopefully I'll find out soon.

EDIT: Aha! I found was for aislennstar!
  • Current Music
    Rob Zombie - Dragula

New Icon

About time I did a new one for myself...this will be good for expressing my morbid sense of black humour.
  • Current Music
    Juno Reactor - Masters of the Universe