October 5th, 2005

Bow Before Cthulhu

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So, my Dad actually showed up yesterday instead of today. Not much to say, really, since we sat around for a good three hours just talking and shooting the breeze, but it was damn good to see him, and I'm glad that he came when he did, since if he'd come tomorrow, he would have met Dianna but been able to meet Erik. As it was, though, this wasn't a problem. Yes, this was the first time he'd met my wife, so it was a big thing for me. Hell, he even met purpleflake and got to play with Raven for a minute when they wandered over to borrow my broom.

All went great, and we had a good time. I miss the big lug sometimes. I've never really felt any connection to most of my family, but it's funny to see just how much he and I are alike. I'm sure Dianna found it very amusing to hear him telling stories of things and realizing it was the same kinds of things she'd seen ME do.

My day has already started off on a pathetic note, as the zealot I was trying to have a discussion with recently has shown his true colours, falling back and playing the "I'll pray for you" card. *sigh* Boooorrrriiinnggggg...if this is the best you can do, don't fuckin' bother. Cripes, if it's not someone riding my ass for politics, it's someone riding my ass for religion. People, people, people...there's a whole world out there, enjoy it. Get over this crap that shackles you to darkness.

Whatever. caliban arrives tomorrow, and the weekend will be an ass-kicker after that. Film Fest, baby!

Mental Health

I'm starting to have some more concerns with my mind. I'm already supposed to see my doc in the near future about a few little problems, I think I'll make a point of bringing my mental state up to him this time.

I don't talk about it much, because that's just not me. From the day I was diagnosed as cyclothymic, I decided I did not want to be on meds, and I felt it wasn't bad enough to warrant it anyway. I wanted to handle it myself, in my own way. An arrogant attitude, but I'm glad I did. It taught me a lot about handling moods and adversity, and how to put aside my feelings to do what needed to be done.

Anyway, that was back in college. That means I've dealt with this for, sheesh, 12, maybe 13 years now? Sounds longer than it feels when I say it out loud like that. What's changed my mind? I'm not sure. I'm willing to bet that a lot of it comes from just growing up, and being able to look back on things. Some of it is age...no, I'm no old man, but there's been a lot of living in my years so far. Part of it may be a different life situation that I find myself in than before. Part of it...who knows?

It's getting to the point, though, where I'm starting to feel it more. Now, this could mean that it's worse, or it could just mean that I'm older, or it could mean something else. I don't know, but I think I better talk to someone and see about it. I'm tired of things getting to me more than they should. I'm tired of feeling the way I do. And yet...I'm a little scared, too. I don't want to know that something is altering my mood, or that something will make me a different person.

But then, isn't that exactly what this problem does, alters my mood? Perhaps, but I've lived with it, made it a part of who I am, and so it no longer alters my mood externally, but is part of my psyche, so "curing" it would truly alter me. Hmm...you know, thinking about it, getting it out, brings me to a new conclusion. It's not the change I fear, because I've never feared change. For a moment, I thought it was that I feared the end result of the change, as unknown...but that's not it either. I'm entirely too homo nephilus for that.

So, I'm not fearing the change, or the result of change, and I know that what I'm changing is unhelpful, thus changing it would be a positive manoeuvre. Where does that leave me, and why does it cause a reaction? Is it simply my own arrogance disallowing me to groove on it? Entirely possible. Or maybe it's that I've been feeling a phase for a couple days, and I'm simply caught up in it? Also possible. Regardless, it's still a good idea that I get the ball rolling on this.

Hmm. Things to ponder.
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    The American Plague - I Want It All
Artist At Work


I've mentioned the webcomic Stupid Children before as one I enjoy. Not too long ago, I happened across the LJ of the creator (no posts, apparently just used to read and comment), and I ended up passing a few words with him. Cool enough.

Later, I received an e-mail from him, saying that he liked my site design. That felt pretty damn good, gotta say.

So, a couple days ago, I got another e-mail, out of the blue. I guess the author is putting a book together, collecting the best of the strips together. They were figuring out the cover, and remembered that I was a fan of the strip and a graphic artist...and want my opinion on it.

How cool is that?