December 13th, 2006

Typing

(no subject)

I gotta run, but I just had to say; I'm happy to announce that I slept all night. All. Night. No wake-ups, no disturbances. Wow, forgot what this felt like.

I'm hungry. I also don't have to take Ray anywhere today, and this makes me smile, a little. On the other hand, I can't hand him off to someone to torture in my name, and that doesn't make me smile. Hey, ups and downs. Like a roller-coaster. And it's makes ya just as sick.
Cry Blood (Hurt)

R.I.P. Peter Boyle

I'm quite sad to say that Peter Boyle has died. 71, he had been suffering form heart disease for a while, and finally succumbed to it last night. Dammit, I liked that guy, he was a great actor and seemed like a good guy. Whether playing hard-nosed tough guys or a hulking but child-like Frankenstein monster, I always enjoyed his work.

Rest in peace, Mr. Boyle. You'll be missed.
Do Us A Favor...

(no subject)

I'm so far beyond angry that I cannot come up with a word or phrase that adequately describes my anger. I'm so angry that no matter how much I want to, I refuse to get drunk, because I know that getting drunk with this much anger is going to only lead to my saying or doing something that I will later regret. I don't even want to go into detail about it, because my hands are shaking, my vision is blurring, and I just don't feel like typing it all out, but I will say this: If that old cocksucker ever speaks to me like that again, if he ever disrespects me like that again, I walk. I don't care what's going on, where he is, or how he's feeling, I walk away and I don't return. I've put up with him disrespecting my look, my lifestyle, my heritage, my art, my politics, my opinions, my job, you name it, but he will damn well respect me and what I do for him, or he can fucking well find someone else to do it.
  • Current Mood
    furious
AMPD

Thanks

Just a quick note before I go to bed.

Much thanks go out to all of ya, sending your best wishes and good vibes and sympathies and whatnots. Sure, it may not be able to help the situation, but I appreciate it all the same. Not sure what I'm going to do and how I'm going to handle things, but I'll figure something out, I always do.

For now, I gotta treat it like a job: I'm paid to do this, so I'm going to do it, simple, business-like, to the point. I'm not paid to care, so I won't. This doesn't mean I won't show care in what I do, simply that I will not get into discussions, thoughts, and ideas. I'll do the job and nothing more. I will not discuss plans, I will simply do them. Also, if he's not doing right, I will simply correct it, and in therapy, I'm not going to lie or sugarcoat for him; they will know what he is and is not doing right. If he's going to treat me as little better than some functionary, then that's what I'll be. Do it, get it done, go back to what I was doing. It'll keep my sanity in place until I figure something else out.

I asked Dianna not to say anything to him or her Mom. Partly because I don't want things to get worse with the family, partly because I know it won't make a difference anyway. I do plan on saying something to Rose tomorrow; while Ray's in therapy, I can step out to make a call. It dawned on me, though, that I do not want an apology from him, because it won't mean a thing. He wouldn't say it because he meant it, and, frankly, even if he did I doubt I'd believe him.