January 4th, 2007

Worship Chaos

Advice Time

So, read this and give me your opinions, would ya?

Let's call this man "N." N is dating B, and has been for a few years. They live together, no kids, not married. N works full time, plus overtime. B lost her job some time back, and since then only works, at most, part-time. As for home chores (laundry/dishes/cleaning, etc.), N does them, and B gets annoyed with him if he doesn't. When it comes to free time or time together, B chooses what she wants to do, and N is along for the ride. When N chooses something he wants to do, B either whines until he gives in or simply doesn't do it, and expects that he will stay with her. In many cases, B's choice is something that N has no interest in or actively dislikes, but should N have something he wants to do that doesn't involve B, B complains.

Now, recently, they have been fighting quite a lot. I should note here that B has said, quite openly and without subtlety, that she thinks fighting is a normal part of a relationship (N disagrees), but this is well outside of their normal arguments. This more recent fighting is due to N having interests that don't include B. One of these interests is a game. B feels that, when she is home, he should not play his game, and instead should be with her. The one concession to this is a weekly tabletop game group, something that was worked out long ago, but she still continues to complain about it. N feels that he should be able to have time to pursue his own fun and interests. At present, to make some sort of peace, N has agreed he will play when she is not home, but due to her small number of working hours, etc., this gives him very little actual playtime.

Not only have N's friends expressed their thoughts that he may be in a bad situation and offered help, even B's best friend has agreed with this.

Now, my opinion is that, after the age of, oh, 10 or so, one should be grown up enough to realize that no one else is responsible for your entertainment. Once growing to adult ages, one should be mature enough to understand that no matter how much you love someone or someone loves you, you will never be the absolute center of anyone's universe. Each person is entitled to their own opinions, hobbies, and free time, and should they choose to spend it with you, then lucky you, but you cannot demand it. I also feel that, should you share living space with someone, you damn well should do your fair share of household dirty work, and should one of you be supporting the house, the least the other can do is take care of said house.

Frankly, I feel that B is a self-centred whiny bitch who needs to grow up, and who obviously isn't adult enough to have a mature relationship. This opinion is formed from much more than the stated situation, but I think you can extrapolate actions and attitudes from the above, which is pretty typical behaviour.

I'm curious as to your opinions, informed by only the above as they may be.