So, in I go, give my obligatory urine sample, and off into an examination/procedure room. Nurse says to drop trou to the knees and lay on the table, cover with sheet, and hang in there. My doc is on call for 9 other doctors today, so it may be a little longer a wait than normal.
40 minutes of laying there staring into bright fluorescent lights later...(hey, laying around doing nothing with my pants off, sounds like I'm home!)
Nurse returns. Smears me up with betadine (to prevent infection; "Not a Xmas present you want, I'm sure" she says), and then says "Now, this is medicine, lidocaine, to ease the passage of the scope. it may sting a little, at first." At this, I get something squirted UP MY (*insert your favorite term for penis here*). It doesn't so much sting as it's just creepy and cold and not really fun. She puts some kind of clamp around the base of my (*euphemism*) and leaves me to let the stuff wear off. Yeah, not great, but hey, if it numbs the inside so I don't have to feel you shove a grabber up my (*unmentionable*), then OK.
5 minutes later, in walks Dr. Johnson. Turns out he has something like 3 emergencies to work on, so instead of making me wait 3 hours, he says he's just gonna get in there and get this done, if I'm OK with that (um, Hell Yes). So, off he goes, tiny little thingy into my thingy. Weird feeling on insert, but not bad (there was an "Oops" in there that I reacted to, but it was just placement or something). I can't actually feel it moving (bonus!), but he warns me that when it goes through the prostate, I'm going to feel like I have to pee really badly. He warns me that I should feel that in another second.
Ladies, you cannot imagine. Gents, well, you might. I was thinking to myself 'ok, have to pee bad, I've felt that gotta-go pressure before, I can handle this.' No. No, no, this was something else entirely, this was like someone took a knitting needle, got it very hot, shoved it in a bucket of ice water, and then went through my anus and rooted around on the prostate while having to piss like a racehorse. Seriously, I felt it in my ass more than anything (which makes sense, medically). A few deep breaths and that calmed down a little, and he tells me he's got hold of it. It's on the way out, just a few more seconds...
Good Grief What The Fuck Is That Feeling That's Just Fucking Bizarre And Uncomfortable Growl Of Redneck Unhappiness Oh Thank The Maker It's Over
Yeah, fuckin' WEIRD feeling. The kind of thing that doesn't hurt so much as is just incredibly uncomfortable and makes your leg twitch occasionally for the next couple hours. Doc was surprised, says I may just have an extra-sensitive urethra. Well, yippee yay for me. Yeah, I had a big ol' Happy Hat on for that one. Oh, bonus, though, I kept the stent as a souvenir. Why not, right?
It's a little elastic, but not much. Those loops keep it in place (one end, kidney, the other end, bladder). That's a legal pad behind it, for size reference.
So, antibiotics for three days, just to be safe, and I may have a little blood in the urine and a little burning when I pee a few times (great! no, really! I was missing that SO MUCH!). Past that, though...
*Music here is very intentional*