God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll (archmage) wrote,
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll

Sparks, Waves

So, things progress. This morning, the headache she's had for 2 days finally was gone, and that was a great way to start the morning. As she lay there and we talked a bit, she asked me why I was staring at her. I wasn't doing anything I thought was out of the ordinary, and so I reacted badly, standing up and pushing back to my seat. This hurt her feelings, making her think I didn't want to be near her, and so she reacted to my actions as such. I tried to come back, confused, but I kinda jumped on it, and sher rolled away, saying she was going back to sleep. I felt this was a reaction to my comment, and I got up next to her. She refused to talk to me, and I grabbed her arm/shoulder, tried to turn her back to me. I must have grabbed too hard, pulled to stiffly, because it hurt. Needless to say, this didn't help things any, and led to us speaking in some pretty rough tones. She left the room, went to smoke, and I sat there in shock.

Anyone who knows me knows that the last thing I want to do to anyone is hurt them, especially by accident. I hadn't set out to do this, but I had done it all the same, and I felt hollow, empty, lower than anything. When she returned, she warned me that if I ever hurt her again, we'd have issues, and that was the final straw for my psyche. We got it all in the open, and worked it out. we saw where we'd reacted badly, misinterpreted things, and I kicked the shit out myself for my physical actions, though she did recognize that I wasn't setting out to hurt her and forgave me. Still, it took a good chunk of the day before I felt OK.

The other thing I've always prided myself on is not fighting in my relationships. I've heard some people say that it's just part of a relationship, but I don't believe that. I feel that things can be worked out without yelling, hurtful comments, and antagonism. Things like this, then, as you can imagine, don't sit well with me. Still, Jessica put it in a really good way: "When you love as passionately as we do, there are bound to be the occasional sparks. Besides, we always work it out and we always learn from it and become stronger."

True, true. That's my girl.
Tags: jessica, stress

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