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11 April 2011 @ 05:45 pm
Awareness  
I have to make a change in myself. Too many times, lately, I've gone about my merry way being the overly blunt-speaking guy I've always been, and it has hurt someone. Yes, I know, I ordinarily didn't seem to care about that. Truth is, I always DID care, but felt it was something that had to be said for someone's own good and usually followed up my comments with clarification of what and why, letting the initial comment shock the subject into either shutting up for a second or breaking their walls enough to let the comment in.

My situation, though, has changed. I'm not in the same place I always was, and I'm not in the same headspace I always was. Really, it comes down to the fact that I have always been self-contained; I like people around and I want them around, but I can do without them just fine. I suppose a part of me felt that if you couldn't take my heat, then you needed to get out of my kitchen, and maybe that was an acid test for when there was a spark, I dunno. However, I have a new factor, here: I have something to lose. I don't mean a roof over my head, either; I could find a way to deal with that. I mean I've searched my whole life for something, and I've come damn close before, but never found it until now. The idea of losing it due to my own clumsy bull-headedness is anathema to me.

So, I have to start watching my mouth. I can be obnoxiously blunt, and that aggression will not stand.
 
 
 
Stax: facestaxxy on April 11th, 2011 10:02 pm (UTC)
it's the littlest details in our lives that ultimately shape who we are and who we become. It sounds like some sort of new age crap, but it is very true. Little details like this are easily the most major aspects of our lives.

It also sounds to me like you are growing emotionally, and perhaps even maturing just a hair more (so what will this make you now? an emotional methusella?).
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Rollarchmage on April 11th, 2011 10:03 pm (UTC)
I'd like to think that we never stop growing, emotionally. Maybe some of us stop TRYING to grow, but the capacity is there. And, just maybe, it's been a while since I did any of it.
The Cynic: chaodiscordian on April 13th, 2011 03:45 pm (UTC)
Just remember, there's a difference between "emotional growth" and "mental stifling". Who you are, rarely changes - and when it does, it doesn't change drastically or quickly. And very rarely does it change deliberately. I fought that fight for 3 years with Thy. I constantly had to watch what I say and how I say it. And eventually, I just couldn't take it any more.
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Rollarchmage on April 13th, 2011 04:06 pm (UTC)
Very true, of course. I don't plan to change who I am, and I won't, but that doesn't mean I can't be aware of how what I say and do is taken and seen.
Kellykwsapphire on April 14th, 2011 05:02 pm (UTC)
I'm kinda in the same boat... New job, new people. I need to learn to kee my opinionated mouth shut..