God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll (archmage) wrote,
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll


I have to make a change in myself. Too many times, lately, I've gone about my merry way being the overly blunt-speaking guy I've always been, and it has hurt someone. Yes, I know, I ordinarily didn't seem to care about that. Truth is, I always DID care, but felt it was something that had to be said for someone's own good and usually followed up my comments with clarification of what and why, letting the initial comment shock the subject into either shutting up for a second or breaking their walls enough to let the comment in.

My situation, though, has changed. I'm not in the same place I always was, and I'm not in the same headspace I always was. Really, it comes down to the fact that I have always been self-contained; I like people around and I want them around, but I can do without them just fine. I suppose a part of me felt that if you couldn't take my heat, then you needed to get out of my kitchen, and maybe that was an acid test for when there was a spark, I dunno. However, I have a new factor, here: I have something to lose. I don't mean a roof over my head, either; I could find a way to deal with that. I mean I've searched my whole life for something, and I've come damn close before, but never found it until now. The idea of losing it due to my own clumsy bull-headedness is anathema to me.

So, I have to start watching my mouth. I can be obnoxiously blunt, and that aggression will not stand.
Tags: mental state

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