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30 September 2011 @ 08:01 am
State Of The Mage  
I post so rarely these days. More to the point, I don't post much substance. Well, let's see, what's the haps?

The truth is that I'm not doing all that well right now. Not terrible, you grok, just...not great. It's been nearly a year since I left Portland (just a month shy), and in that year, I'm not where or on the path that I thought I would be. Let me just get one thing out of the way: Jessica and I are fine and still happy and together and solid. That's not an issue, so no worries there.

That might be one of the only things, though. The medical issues have kept me pretty much on a low to mid-level boil. I feel so useless that i can't help or fix them, and seeing her in pain and sadness every day is like a dagger in my heart...and since I've actually felt that, I know whereof I speak! :P Plus, they make it hard for me to get a job, since I want/need to be here for her. With no job, I have no money, and while I'm not in fear for my situation, it makes it hard to get anything done that I want to get done. For instance, I'd love to have my stuff again, both because I miss my movie collection, etc., and because I never meant for madeofmeat to have to hold on to all that stuff for so fucking long.

On top of it all, I feel pretty out of place. This house may be where I live, but it's not "my place". I don't have my things, my decorations, my furniture, my feeling of being able to do what I choose my way in my place. I don't have my people around; I miss my friends, and the knowledge that I'd see them on a frequent basis, whether for food, hang time, or gaming...and boy, do I miss gaming. You all know I'm a bit of a social creature, and going a year only seeing one person, well, no matter how much I love this person, I can't help but feel the loss.

On that note, quick aside: I apologize for being so bad at keeping up with people. The three-hour time difference makes things a little tough to work out for most of you, and the lack of money/medical situation makes anything else nigh impossible. I do feel bad that I've had so little contact with nostradomnatrix and bigdaddygoat, especially after all they did for me to get out here.

OK, so, light in the tunnel: Jessica starts her classes back up next week. I fear for her doing it with this pain, but it's gotta be done. She's only got this one mod of class and then one mod of externship, then she's working. With that in place, *I* can get to working, and maybe we can get her some benefits and we can get some money and start moving forward. Hopefully, that will all go smoothly, and things will start to look up. in the meantime, I'm trying to get an experimental game-via-LJ started, and while that won't compare to actual gaming, it's better than nothing. Assuming, of course, that I can get things going; I'm having some issues, getting people organized.
Current Music: Alestorm - Captain Morgan's Revenge
(Deleted comment)
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Rollarchmage on October 2nd, 2011 01:45 pm (UTC)
Sadly, gaming shops are few and far between around here, and they are pretty centered on CCGs rather than gaming-type gaming. Part of the issue, too, is just lack of time or resources.
Crowley St. Bastard: new day is a great big fishdaemonwise on October 5th, 2011 02:45 pm (UTC)
As you said to me, hang in there, brother.