God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll (archmage) wrote,
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll

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Movie Reviews

OK, first off, after 8 or 9 months, I finally got to see the end of "Ocean's Eleven", which was fantastic. Makes me REALLY want to see the original again.

But enough of that. I have for you a movie that I am actually, for a change, going to recommend that NONE of you see...but that I had a blast watching. This was easily one of the worst films I've ever seen, and believe me, coming from me, that's a bold statement. The film is "Terror Toons"...*shakes head*. Where could I possibly begin?

Well, start with the fact that this film is shot entirely on video, and not even the highest quality video. The whole film was done for $2300, shot entirely in the producer's house, over the course of 3 days. Most of the effects look like they were done with PhotoShop and AfterEffects (and probably were). The dialogue is beyond strained, the monsters are rubber masks (and don't exactly try to make you think differently), and the acting, well, sucks. Maybe I should give you some story, after all, you are not going to watch this...

Mom and Dad are going to a wedding, so will not be back until tomorrow afternoon, leaving Candy and Cindy, their daughters (adults playing teens, one of which has the obligatory boob job which gets a glimpse at the beginning, and no other skin shots), behind, with the instructions of no friends over. Candy, the little naive one, gets a DVD in the mail of 'Terror Toons' a new style of animation, and heads to her room to watch it. Cindy, on the pressure of her friend Amy, invites over a couple guys, instructing them to bring booze (his response to which is "OK, I know where my mom keeps the wine coolers"...yeesh!). The guys want to play Strip Poker, but the girls do not, wanting to play with the Ouija board, since it's Friday the 13th. They compromise on Strip Ouija...don't ask. Meanwhile, Candy is watching the zany, madcap adventures of Dr. Carnage and Max Assassin ( a big gorilla...work with me). As she gets hypnotized by the TV, they come out and begin killing in "wacky, cartoonish ways". Eventually, only Cindy is left, who they take to their boss, the Devil (who sports the worst horns I've seen in a while). A long bit of exposition goes here, resulting in the idea that in cartoons you can do anything, so Cindy becomes a superhero, chops Dr. Carnage's head in two, squishes Max's brains out, and destroys the machine making the DVDs. The parents return to find her cradling her sister's dead body, giggling. Oh, did I mention "Mom" is played by an obvious drag queen by the name of Shimmy Maxx?

OK, that being said...*shrug* I loved it. I laughed all through it at the stupidity, and at the concept. It looked like something that a bunch of friends would get together and film for a school project, or just for the hell of it. It made me want to make a horror film all over again (an old friend and I always swore we would if either of us got a video camera). The trailers at the beginning for other selections from Brain Damage Films were just as horrible, if not worse. At least this one was funny, the others seem to be semi-serious horror flicks. Still, I'm joining the fanclub, and prolly going to try and get their flicks on DVD...hey, I love bad movies.

The worse, the better. So, to quote Oderous Urungus: "It's OK for me, bad for you."

PS - As if I NEEDED another reason to think Di was perfect, she sat there, watching this whole movie, and giggled at it too. So, either she liked it like I did, or she faked it extremely well.

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