God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll (archmage) wrote,
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll
archmage

Darwin Awards

In a few weeks, the 2002 Darwin Award Winners will be decided. Here are synopses of twelve top contenders. Enjoy the abbreviated versions below, or visit the website to read the full text and record your votes.

FIR KILLS TREE TRIMMER
England - A tree trimmer decided to save time, and throw the pruned branches directly into a fire he built near the base of the tree. Predictably, the tree caught fire, putting an end to further timesaving innovations.

WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
Kansas -A man whose vehicle broke down on I-35 was struck and killed by a train while calling for help. The train
engineer spotted him standing on the tracks, holding a cell phone to one ear and cupping his hand to the other ear
to block the noise of the train.

WOUNDED WIRE BITES BACK
Pennsylvania - Daniel was practicing his marksmanship by shooting at electrical insulators, whose function is to hold electrical wires aloft. Eventually the shattered targets were no longer able to do their job, and a high-voltage wire fell to the ground, sending Daniel to his shocking demise.

WRONG AND WRONGER
Ukraine - A man was walking his dog, when a Police Academy cadet pointed out that dogs on a public street must be leashed and muzzled. The men began to argue, until the dog owner pulled out a military hand grenade and threw it to the cadet's feet. His well-trained dog immediately fetched it back, and man and dog met the same messy fate.

BEES 1, HUMANS 0
Brazil - A farmer decided to burn a beehive out of his orange tree. He protected his head from bee stings by sealing a plastic bag tightly around his neck. His worried wife found him dead a few hours later. He had forgotten to put breathing holes in the bag.

CABLE CAR STAR
Italy - A 53-year-old Glasgow tourist used a mountain climber's snap hook to attach himself to an unused cable car cable, and attempted to slide down a mountain. Unable to defeat the force of gravity, the man accelerated out of control and proceeded to bash his way 200 meters down the cable before impacting a pylon.

ELECTRIFIED WORMS
Norway - If you need worms for fishing, just put a 12-volt electric current through ground, and up they come. A 23-year-old man withdrew his genes form the pool when he tried to speed up the process by using 220V household current. Alas, he did so squatting on a steel bucket, holding an electrode in one hand while pushing the other in the ground...

GUN OWNER SHOOTS BACK 72%
New Mexico - 18-year-old Carlos tried to rob a man who had placed a newspaper ad to sell a gun. Surprise! The gun seller was also a gun owner. He fired it in self-defense, and the robber died before rescue crews arrived.

SLICK SHIT SLIP
Arizona - Had he been eating too many banana peels? A 49-year-old Mohave County Jail inmate defecated on his
cell floor, slipped in his own feces, struck his head on the ground, and died.

FOOLISH COURAGE
Brazil - On New Year’s Eve, some friends were befogged by Pinga, a traditional Brazilian liquor, when they began competing to see who could hold a lit firework in his mouth the longest. Antonio was the winner, biting a firework a bit too long, and thereby earning praise for his "courage" at his funeral.

BOOBY TRAPS TRAP BOOB
The Netherlands - A retired engineer booby-trapped his home with twenty deadly devices, with the intention of killing his estranged family. Anyone with common sense could predict the inevitable outcome. He inadvertently triggered one of his own hidden traps, and removed himself from the planet.

WELL-TRAINED
Kentucky - A 20-year-old demonstrating train-hopping to his friends tried to hop a southbound train, but failed to notice the simultaneous approach of a northbound train. He was struck and killed.
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  • (no subject)

    Jim Jeffries On Why Other Countries Think US Gun Laws Are Crazy Pretty well sums it all up, as far as I'm concerned.

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  • (no subject)

    Jim Jeffries On Why Other Countries Think US Gun Laws Are Crazy Pretty well sums it all up, as far as I'm concerned.

  • I Gotcher Free Inhabitant Status Right Here, Swingin'

    Holy cats...I've only just become aware of this "free inhabitant / article 4" bullshit. Watching some of the videos of these wingnuts is comedy gold,…

  • (no subject)

    First Biofluorescent Reptile Ever Discovered - Short article and links to further info. Biofluorescence is far from unknown, but we've never seen…