F: Great, I'm fired up and ready for them.
C: These questions come from deadthing, who first asks how many stitches, if any, you've had in your life.
F: Surprisingly, none. For all the stupid, destructive, wild things I've done throughout my life, somehow I've managed to completely avoid stitches. Even when I got the stab wound in the chest, the doctor ended up not giving me any stitches, though I wished at the time that he would.
C: Wy's that?
F: There's nothing quite as disconcerting at looking down at your own chest and seeing a HOLE there, especially when the doc has told you that it is directly over your heart, and how close it got. So, now I'm left with a pinky-red scar that is a fairly effective bullseye if anyone ever wants to stab or shoot me.
C: I can see how that would be annoying, sure. Next question: What's really the point of question marks? This seems to have something to do with some missed punctuation...
F: I'm gonna take the opportunity to spout off here, though, if you don't mind.
C: Oh, please, go ahead. I'm not sure I could stop you anyway...
F: (laughs) Question marks are the force that drives humanity. Until one questions, one cannot grow...once one answers a question, it raises other questions, and drives you to discovery. Praise question marks!
C: Well, that was different...are you a fan of The Smurfs, also know as Los Pitufos in Mexico?
F: Absosmurfly. Though, these days, I'm a much bigger fan of "Smurfs Hardcore".
C: I don't think I wanna know. Next question: cheese?
F: Yes, please. Lots of it.
C: This has got to be the silliest interview I've ever given...ah, this question is a little better. They say this guy they know has a friend who had "People = Shit" tatooed across his belly. Is that funny or offensive?
F: That's stupid. Someone who had that done is just looking for trouble, literally. I mean, if you really think people are shit (and yes, I can believe that sometimes), then why not do something about it, or at least hole yourself up where you don't have to do anything about it? Going around with that tattoo is basically asking someone to see it and say something, so you can then jump on them. That, or you just want to spread the disease of human hate...and THAT'S offensive to me. What's funny is if this guy lives to be an old man, he's gonna have this saggy belly with that tattoo in the old-folk's home. I think he's gonna be the acidic old man that no one likes.
C: Alrighty...well, that's all for now. We might be back with more "Bring It On".