F: People are still interested? I'm honored.
C: Well, these should be really interesting...as they come from your dearest love, zombiedip.
F: Hoo, boy. OK, Fire away.
C: You sound a little apprehensive.
F: No telling what she asked...hit me, Morty.
C: Well, she starts with this one: If you were given the ability to project yourself into the past or future, but not to return, would you do so? Would the option of being able to bring one person weigh on your answer?
F: Would I do it...by myself? Hmm, tough call. I can think of places in history that I'd like to think I could make a real difference to humanity, and I'd love to be able to do that...but I'd hate leaving behind those that I know and love. If I could take one person with me? That would help, yeah.
C: Hard to leave those bonds, huh?
C: OK, next scenario. Five hundred years from now, only one book, which exists today, will still be available. Which book should it be?
F: That's a toss-up between two. One is my beloved Illuminatus!, the other is 1984. The first would help people get a grip on what life is REALLY for, and maybe help them get their head out of their ass. The second, on the other hand, might help them see what life would be like if they DIDN'T keep their head out of their ass, and hopefully, more than a few would be able to work against it, and help the rest understand. To head off the obvious retort, no, I would not want ANY religious text to survive.
F: At the risk of starting something, organized religion screws people up. In my opinion.
C: Well, we'll let that one sit on it's own.
F: Smart move.
C: OK, a chance to stroke your own ego: If a movie were made about your life, what would the theme song be? Who would play the role of you?
F: I'd love to be able to say the theme song would be White Zombie's "I Am Legend". However, at this point, it would probably be Motorhead's "Born To Raise Hell". Who would play me? Hmmm...Well, as much as I like Christopher Walken and Geoffrey Rush, I think they wouldn't be quite right. I think Brad Dourif or Bruce Campbell would have the right attitude.
C: Both underrated B-grade actors.
F: True...and hard-workin' stiffs, average Joes. My kinda guys.
C: Have you ever been disappointed by a person you looked up to as a role model? If so, how do you think it changed you?
F: Well, I've always said that the biggest problem for kids today is a lack of true heroes. The only people to look up to anymore are sports stars and Hollywood actors. Shit, I'm not looking up to THAT. The only people I've ever looked up to were long dead, and were people I've researched, and in that discovered that I looked up to them...so I never had a chance to be disappointed.
C: Makes things easier.
F: True, but harder to get in the first place. It takes work to really research someone instead of jumping on the bandwagon...but it's worth it. The world is slowly forgetting that simple fact.
C: That's pretty sad-sounding.
F: The world is becoming a sad place. It's the kind of thing that I am working against.
C: Speaking of what you believe in, she asks if there is there anything you'd willingly give your life for?
F: There are a some PEOPLE I'd willingly give my life for, but not any THING or IDEAL. You cannot keep making a difference if you die, and someone else may take up your banner, but you cannot be sure they will be true to your cause. That's not as cynical as it sounds, really...I just feel martyrdom is a cop-out.
C: Why is that?
F: Because you chose to die instead of staying in there, fighting for your cause. I'd rather be a soldier than a figurehead.
C: If you had a chance to bring one person back from the dead, who would it be and why?
F: Well, that's a toss-up. For my hopes and dreams, I'd consider Karl Koch, so he could continue his fight...but that's just me. But there are others who could make just as much a difference, in their own ways. I guess I'd have to say my uncle Doug, who died when I was two, if only so that I could get to know him.
C: How did he die?
F: Car wreck. Flipped his jeep. I think he was only 18, but he always seemed to get a kick out of being an uncle, and apparently spent a lot of time playing with me. Frankly, he seems like the only member of my family that I might have been able to stay friends with, other than my Dad.
C: If 100 people your age were chosen at random, how many do you think would be leading a life more satisfying than yours?
F: Well, by my standards of 'satisfying life', I'd have to say 'not bloody many'. Some of them would say differently. Overall, though, I think the people my age are a sad lot. They've hit thirty, and they feel they need to be grown up now, and are too preoccupied with their lifestyle and image and job and family to rememebr how to have fun. Or they remember, but they can't/don't do it anymore.
C: Here's an interesting one. If a crystal ball would tell you the truth about any one thing you wished to know concerning yourself, life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
C: Not a thing?
F: Nothing, not a sausage. I make my own way, I make my own discoveries, and I do my own searching. Getting an 'ultimate answer' like that is a lose-lose situation: either I ask it something stupid that I could have discovered on my own, and feel I wasted the chance, or I ask it some world-shattering question like 'is there a deity and who is it' or 'what is the nature of man' or 'will we ever get off this planet', and either get obnoxious about being right or annoyed about being wrong. Screw that. I'll live my life, and I'll seek the answers I need, and I'll feel great about my discoveries.
C: I would think few could turn that down.
F: On the contrary, I think few would take the opportunity, but most would skip out for the wrong reasons. I think most would have some really scary question that they would be REALLY upset about one potential answer, and thus couldn't bring themselves to ask, for fear of being right (or wrong).
C: You really are a cynical social realist sometimes, aren't you?
F: I see what I see, and the world just keeps going. I only make the rules in my own head.
C: Ok, last question, and I'm willing to bet I can guess the answer.
F: Oh, this should be stellar.
C: If you were "God" for a day, what would you do?
F: And what are you betting is my answer?
C: You are going to say that you would enlighten humanity.
F: Very good, Morty. That's a tall order, though.
C: True...I bet you'd first show them that race and culture are no basis for hatred, and then show them that they don't NEED to believe in a god, but rather in themselves.
F: You know me quite well, Morty.
C: Because I am you, dummy. How do you think this is being written?
F: Doublethink. I forget that I wrote you as soon as I do it.
C: Then why did I know that?
F: Because I told you.
C: You have an answer for everything, doncha?