God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll (archmage) wrote,
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll
archmage

If You Nail Together 2 Things That Have Never Been Nailed Together Before, Some Schmuck Will Buy It

I can remember a time, back, back into the mists of history, when I would be in a department store, and somewhere, generally next to the escalator, was a "BioRhythms" machine. Anyone over the age of 30 should remember biorhythms...it was supposedly something to do with your bioelectric output, and by knowing them, you could help your health and well-being. It was big in the 70's, which should come as no surprise. Eventually, though, people lost faith it the technique, mostly due to the simple fact that it was about as effective as, say, closing your eyes really tight and wishing really, really hard. So, away went the machines...no great loss, really.

Where did this come from? Well, I ran across a site where you can buy shirts that they claim "exploit an astonishing new theory in bio-physics: that the information exchange in human consciousness can be directly influenced and enhanced by vibrations of Light, that we call colors.". Called "bioresonant clothing", they claim that "stress and other negative factors seem to disrupt the uniformity, coherence and the magnitude of the human electro-photonic glow", which they can 'measure' with "bio-electrography". Apparently, though, wearing the most hideous, nausea-inducing colour swirls can fix this problem...and that wearing solid black makes you sick (with an illustration to "prove" it!).

Interestingly enough, as a side note, they claim that the reason widows wear black is because "wearing black suppresses emotions", and that this "has been verified in every culture on Earth for thousands of years". I guess they've never been to the Orient, where WHITE is the colour of mourning. However, they also note that "black also suppresses the intellect", which might apply to some people I know, but the vast majority pretty much shoot that theory to shit.

But, regardless...what of these amazing clothes? Even if they don't "stimulate your consciousness", could they be worth buying, just because they are cool looking? Not for $50, they damn sure aren't...and that's just the T-shirt, the dress shirt is $60. And, besides that, as I said, the only people getting sick form clothing are those forced to see you in this get-up.

One last side note...check out the books they have for sale. How about that, one of the books here "for the first time in the history of humanity explains and proves the Purpose of existence of the entire Universe". Not bad, huh? All these centuries, Man has searched for the knowledge of his purpose in Life, and his Place in the Great Cosmos, and no one got it, but this guy did, and so he's selling his book on a crappy website with hideous t-shirts. So much for philosophy...and how can the book be "8,000 years overdue (and 20 years ahead of time)" at the same time?
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    Jim Jeffries On Why Other Countries Think US Gun Laws Are Crazy Pretty well sums it all up, as far as I'm concerned.

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