21 January 2004 @ 09:03 am
The Difference Between Liberals, Conservatives, And Southerners  
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Liberal Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with killing just me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1 ? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day, and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behaviour. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

Conservative Answer: BANG!

Southerner's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! rackety-click...(sounds of reloading). Wife: "Hun, he looks like he's still moving, whadda y'all kids think?" Son: "Mama's right Daddy, I saw it, too." BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click. daughter: "Nice group, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"
stig_mata on January 21st, 2004 09:09 am (UTC)
been reading my posts eh? ;>
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Rollarchmage on January 21st, 2004 09:17 am (UTC)
Always, bro'...always.
stig_mata on January 21st, 2004 09:19 am (UTC)
i tend to find odd shyt out there
Reinvention: devilishsempereadem on January 21st, 2004 09:46 am (UTC)
I saw that in another journal as Texans instead of Southerners. I labeled the different responses The way it is, the way it should be, and how people think of Southerners.
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Rollarchmage on January 21st, 2004 11:52 am (UTC)
Well, as a Southerner, I agree...but I still think it's funny.
Roociferroocifer on January 21st, 2004 09:55 am (UTC)
Does that mean I have to give up my liberal card because my answer was "Southern?" LOL

F anybody trying to mess with me and mine, that's just asking to die. *grin*
UnRepentantunrepentant on January 21st, 2004 10:19 am (UTC)
Sounds good to me - Wait, I live in Atlanta...
Chrisclipdude on January 21st, 2004 10:20 am (UTC)
I am a liberal and I'd shoot the guy.
Sribbles McBottomfootachmanage on January 21st, 2004 10:40 am (UTC)
Hells yeah.

There's always the kneecaps, shoulders, thighs, crotch, and a slew of non-vital areas that would ensure he's not getting up any time soon without some help.

Oh wait...were these things hollow points?
(no subject) - dravengodvamp on January 21st, 2004 09:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)