On the topic of women that the kiddies think are sexy and I think are stupid, Britney Spears' new Pepsi commercial debuted in Europe yesterday, apparently. Not here, though...I'll bet they are saving it for the Super Bowl. Well, I'm looking forward to it getting laughed at, since I've now seen not only stills form it but also the full commercial. For those of you that don't want to suffer through it (and believe me, I understand), I watched it and suffered for you...yeah, that's me, always giving.
Anyway, a synopsis: Britney, Beyonce Knowles, and Pink are (get this) Roman gladiators, and Enrique Iglesias is Caesar. He takes a can of Pepsi out of a ice-filled chest and signals the start of the games. Meanwhile, our three fighters are in separate enclosures, and start banging signals to each other and the crowd through the walls/equipment: the familiar strains of Queen's "We Will Rock You". They emerge, and as one, throw down their weapons, and turn to the crowd. Each now gets a verse of the song, a few words here and there subtly changed for the product. The crowd cheers on, pounding out the familiar beat, making Caesar's chest of Pepsi bounce closer and closer to the edge. Caesar watches all this with an expression that is probably supposed to be growing fear and annoyance, but looks more like dumbfounded confusion and a desire to take a country-sized crap (Enrique is no actor, folks, and he took this special time to prove it). Eventually, the chest falls into the arena, somehow causing Caesar to be flipped up and out of his Imperial Box (this isn't really explained well, the physics here make no sense,...but then, neither does the commercial), landing in the arena, only to get a look that was supposed to be "Wha...oh shit", but instead looks again like "Wha...oh, I have to shit", as a lion comes out behind him. Meanwhile, the girls start throwing cans of Pepsi to the crowd, and then it's finally, thankfully over.
Sadly, this commercial is going to be wonderfully received and popular. Partly this is because it damn well better, since it was a multi-million dollar production, and it's already being compared to the Russell Crowe film "Gladiator", even though it has nothing in common with it beyond some setting and sand. Also, the fanboys and droolers are going to cream their panties over it, since the three chicks involved are wearing nothing but chainmail mini-skirts and steel brassieres. It does settle Britney's chest questions once and for all, and frankly, shows that Pink is still the best looking one, since she doesn't look fake. Also helps that she doesn't spend any time here trying to pose for the camera or look pretty (which the others take every opportunity to do), she just does her thing. The other two, damn, they're 'posers', too conscious of the camera and trying to make sure they use it as much as possible.
Quick diversion: does anyone else hear Britney's voice and feel she'd be better off singing whiny country tunes? She's so backwoods it isn't funny. And Beyonce...well, she's got that quote R&B unquote diva voice thing goin' on, and I wish she'd shut up (I say quote R&B unquote, because REAL rhythm and blues came out of blues and jazz, and I hate that this whiny, sappy, overly emotioned singing that has been around now since about '90 is bring called R&B). Pink, though...I gotta say, I love her voice. She needs to abandon this hip-hop heresy and sing some soul and blues. Yum.
Anyway, it was sick, sad, and pathetic, and the public will love it. VERY Roman, come to think of it.