God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll (archmage) wrote,
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll


"So, what are you in here for?"
"A slight case of mood poisoning; must be something I hate."
-- Wild Palms
Yes, it's time for another fun-filled episode of Things Archmage Hates!

Today's victim: Pretentious Image Gallery Whores

You know the type. Someone online person (usually a chick, but not always!) makes a post or an e-mail or a forum topic or whatever. regardless of the topic, somewhere near the end is a link...and following that link takes you to either a crappy website or a pic host (like Fotki or Webshots), with some gallery of pictures of said person. But, are they good pix? Of course not. They are webcam shots, generally between 20 and 50 of them. You flip through the thumbnails, and what do you find? 20 to 50 pictures that are all pretty much the same. This is no surprise, really, because they are webcam shots, as stated...cam's in the same place, they are in the same place, maybe where they are looking changes slightly, or the expression changes slightly, but for the most part, 20 to 50 images of the same fucking thing.

Do these people think that we need this many pix, all alike? For that matter, why do they want this many similar pictures?

Oh, but the fun doesn't stop there. Now they have a gallery, and all the pix are basically the same...but now they get to be NAMED. Here's where some REALLY sad creativity comes in. Sure, they could just name them by date/time, but then you'd notice how little life they have...and that's no fun. They could name them by expression, but, face it, when you are online, you have three basic expressions:
  • That's hilarious!
  • That pisses me off!
  • Ho hum...
So, how to make these pix all seem different? Aha! Song lyrics and movie quotes! Yes, they name these pix with some little phrase that really has nothing to do with the pic, which ends up displaying their scene and preferences. So, now, instead of "Me, today, 4pm" or "me and jeff, at the club, #38", you get to decypher pix named "my ebon is blacker than your darkest raven", "can't rain all the time", and "she's just a bitch, dump her in the ditch" -- which are all the same bored expression, looking off to lower right, in the same t-shirt.

I see this a lot with the online goth chicks, (not so) oddly enough.

Crap, man, put a little thought into your online gallery. One that is just for you, like some kind of online photo album, hey, that's your business. But be straight, be true: it's easy to tell when you put one up for you and when you put one up to show off. If you're gonna show off, then show off; be selective, give us something to actually see...or you end up just looking stupid.

Thank you, thank you, you've been a wonderful audience.

Tonight's show was brought to you by Coca-Cola™...Real, whose views are not expressed here, and by Rockstar Games, whose views probably are. For my wardrobe today, I'd like to thank Mother Nature, for my free-and-easy skin. Please spay and neuter your pets, and don't let a Dead Man rule your life.

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