God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll (archmage) wrote,
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll

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OK, all of you have called Customer Service for someone at some time in your life. And chances are good that you will again. I want you all to learn a few basic facts for me, and pass them on to everyone you know...this can be your Xmas present to me:

1. Don't forget that these are human beings you are talking to. They have thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Just because they are there to HEAR your complaint and try to fix it does NOT make you better than them and does not make them servants or peons. Don't treat them as second-class. A good rule of thumb here is 'never piss off someone who has your home address, telephone number, and credit card number'.

2. Don't EVER blame the CS Rep's computer system, or tell them they 'just don't know what they are doing'. You aren't there, you don't have the foggiest idea what it is like, what programs they are working with, or that person's level of computer knowledge.

3. Do not refer to 'you people'. Chances are infinitely good that the person you are speaking to had NOTHING to do with your problem, and neither did anyone around them.

4. Do not tell the CS Rep that something is 'impossible' when they describe the situation. If it were impossible, it wouldn't have happened. Seeing as how they know the business, and are staring at your account information, and you are NOT, then chances are you are wrong and overlooked something.

5. If you have the gall to DEMAND something, and you are told that it is not possible, do not start screaming for their manager/supervisor in anger. Sometimes, you can't get what you want, and that's just the way it is. Sorry. And don't DARE have the gall to ask for a manager right off the bat.

6. Do not bitch about the hold music or the hold time. The person you are speaking to has no control over the music, and they probably hate it, too. As for hold times, here's a news flash: you aren't special. You have to wait in line just like everyone else, whether it's the grocery store, the post office, McDonald's, or on the phone to CS. The person you speak to is not gonna give you a magic phone number that you can call with no hold time, and it's people like you, taking up more time with their useless and irrelevant bitching that makes everyone else hold.

7. Read your Terms of Service. No matter what the service, look over your Service Agreements, it'll clear up a lot of bullshit. Yes, it's tedious, but this isn't a game, this is legal liability. Know what you are responsible for. This will make your situation (and their job) much easier.

8. Know your account information. For instance, know your account number, your username, your password, and if there is a particular form of verification the company uses, know that too. DON'T assume they can find you by your name: again, you are not special. Your name is not unique.

9. For the love of Goddess, have a pen and paper handy. Ask for a confirmation number and the rep's first name if you make major changes or fix disputes. If something goes wrong, you want to be able to prove that you called in previously to handle them. No proof from you, and you get nothing. And don't get annoyed if the rep won't give their last name, this is a security issue. Shut the Hell up.

10. Keep in mind that they are dealing with angry people, all day long. This is a high-stress job, and reps take vacation days for purely mental reasons. Give them a little slack, especially late in the day, and tell them 'thank you' when they do something for you. You might find you make a bit of a 'friend on the inside' that way. Just ask yourself, would YOU want to deal with YOU right now? If not, then calm down.

11. YOU called THEM, let them speak. Hollering over them, just because they are not telling you what you want to hear, helps no one, and will most likely get you hung up on (yes, we ARE allowed to do it, you aren't gonna get us fired if you call back, demand a supervisor, and complain about us). If all you want to hear is what you WANT to hear, call a phone psychic.

12. Speak clearly. Phone line qualities vary from place to place, and sometimes they are downright crappy. Also keep in mind that a lot of letters sound very similar when you aren't there to see the lips moving, or over less than crystal clear phone lines. C/Z/B/D/T/G, S/F, M/N, A/H, all these are a pain. Spell in phonetics or military terms, if you like, we don't mind. Don't assume we got it right, and don't get mad when we don't. And, for Pete's sake, if we spell it back to you to confirm it, LISTEN.

13. Last, but CERTAINLY not least, understand how credit cards work. Here are a few basic facts. When your card expires, and they give you a new one, companies do NOT automatically get the new number. We CAN, however, continue to charge the old number, and the bank WILL take it. So if you haven't GIVEN us the new number, we don't have it, even if it IS showing up on your statement. Also, disputing a charge with your credit card is not going to put a stop to it being charged, and will just cause you more headaches later. CALL the business and cancel the service or whatever, so that it stops charging the card. Lastly, if you are mad at the business, don't bother telling us that you 'aren't going to pay this charge'. Frankly, I could care less. We charged your credit card, and they paid us, so we HAVE our money. If you choose not to pay that, you are in trouble with your credit card company, and that's YOUR business.

We are here to help. And if you give us the chance, we will. Call us and act like an asshole, and it only goes downhill...and we CAN make your day hell, and get away with it.

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