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15 June 2004 @ 09:08 pm
Top Ten Signs You're A Fundamentalist Christian  
Hey, we all know I'm no fan of religion, so don't bother telling me what an ass I am. I mean, if you want to and it makes you feel better and superior, go right ahead, feel free, knock yourself out. But I'll just giggle and move on.

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Top Ten Signs You're A Fundamentalist Christian

1. You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.


2. You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.


3. You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.


4. Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!


5. You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.


6. You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.


7. You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."


8. While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.


9. You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.


10. You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
 
 
The Cynic: HGTGdiscordian on June 15th, 2004 10:01 pm (UTC)
Oh.. amen to the number 10. I'm willing to make some allowences for "blind faith", but at least have a bloody clue what it is you blindly believe in!
Sribbles McBottomfootachmanage on June 15th, 2004 10:13 pm (UTC)
It's funny reading this from the Christian perspective.
Morinonmorinon on June 15th, 2004 10:53 pm (UTC)
Agreed. See you in a few days.
Sribbles McBottomfootachmanage on June 16th, 2004 07:35 am (UTC)
Indeed!
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Rollarchmage on June 15th, 2004 10:59 pm (UTC)
No doubt. And this isn't an invective against Christianity in general...specifically against those far-flung whackies who scream before they speak.
Sribbles McBottomfootachmanage on June 16th, 2004 07:36 am (UTC)
Hey, I resemble that remark!
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll: Smackdown (Anger)archmage on June 16th, 2004 08:00 am (UTC)
At least you admit it! ;)
Mrs. Mthisismostlyme on June 16th, 2004 02:17 am (UTC)
You know, I consider myself a Christian woman. But, I hold respect for others' beliefs too. I have a brother-in-law who is Muslim, a bf who is Jewish and a gandmother who is Republican. Oh wait! Republican is not a religion, is it? They need to be told that. I think if the world would get its head out of it's respective ass and start respecting one another and allowing for religious boundries and beliefs, we would get along better.
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Rollarchmage on June 16th, 2004 07:55 am (UTC)
Unfortunately, that means starting from the fact that no religion can actually prove a thing, and thus all are just as likely to be wrong...and 99.99% of them cannot admit that.
bitterfun on June 16th, 2004 06:21 am (UTC)
Well as a person that recently experienced Rapture I find this whole conversation amusing. Considering you'll all be burning in the firery depths of oblivion, while I'll be having my colon flushed by an angel that resembles a Victoria Secrets model, I feel horribly sad that you didn't accept Jesus into your heart pre-birth like I did. Only the previously converted(saved) Buddhists and Hindi that are still afflicted by reincarnation can truely know the light of god and show the ultimate faith by continually denying every Satan spawned logic around them. But all in all, these philosphical/psuedo-religious musings have become the rage top-side.
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll: The Mask (Laughing)archmage on June 16th, 2004 08:00 am (UTC)
Well as a person that recently experienced Rapture I find this whole conversation amusing.

Well, good to see that AOL has managed to infect Heaven.
bitterfun on June 16th, 2004 08:16 am (UTC)
oh come on now, this is heaven we each have our own T1's. Up and down. AOL is just the browser of choice.
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll: Burn The Worldarchmage on June 16th, 2004 09:07 am (UTC)
AOL is just the browser of choice.

Another reason to add to my "Why I'm Glad I Won't Be trapped In Heaven" list.
bitterfun on June 16th, 2004 09:17 am (UTC)
Actually I just got done talking to St. Peter and apparently you have a Mormon relative you didn't know about. You're being shipped off to some pleasure planet to be the subserviant to some Elder. Terribly sorry.
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Roll: Frank The Bunny (Countdown)archmage on June 16th, 2004 09:45 am (UTC)
Good thing I plan on living forever!
bitterfun on June 16th, 2004 09:49 am (UTC)
*shudder with ecstacy* You just reminded me of the Hellblazer/Constantine movie preview. Can't wait to see that one.