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09 July 2004 @ 10:09 am
Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today  
Snagged from savrille


- Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

- Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

- The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

- A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

- Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

- The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

- If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

- A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

- Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

- HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

- Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

- A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defence policy.

- Government should limit itself to the power named in the Constitution, which include censoring the Internet.

- The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

- Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.

- You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt..

- What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
 
 
unhappymeal on July 9th, 2004 10:13 am (UTC)
I like it. I should print it up and keep copies of it in my car for whenever I come across someone with a Bush/Cheney 04 bumper sticker.
egonix on July 9th, 2004 11:07 am (UTC)
Wow, That's actually a very good idea.
Sphynxtheatresphynx on July 9th, 2004 10:24 am (UTC)
*giggles* thats pretty funny. . .
Sribbles McBottomfootachmanage on July 9th, 2004 11:39 am (UTC)
Wait, what kind of Republican is this?
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Rollarchmage on July 9th, 2004 11:55 am (UTC)
The loud, obnoxious, make-the-rest-look-bad type. The annoying ones with no brains, spouting off party rhetoric, regardless of facts.

There's plenty of them on both sides.
kitty_blackwell on July 9th, 2004 12:09 pm (UTC)
Okay, coz I was gonna say, not all Republicans fit this mold. Coz you know the hubby & I enjoy subverting the right-wing from within. ;)
Sribbles McBottomfootachmanage on July 9th, 2004 12:17 pm (UTC)
Got any lists for the other side?
God of Thunder and Rock'n'Rollarchmage on July 9th, 2004 12:43 pm (UTC)
Wish I did...I'm sure it would be just as funny.
fear & loathing on capitol hill: boomstickgonzo_md on July 9th, 2004 03:32 pm (UTC)
not NEARLY as funny as this is...oh man, the office is lovin' this one.

Sribbles McBottomfootachmanage on July 9th, 2004 06:38 pm (UTC)
Yeah, it's like a dumbass' take on the issues.
Chris: Love and Honordeusinnomen on July 9th, 2004 12:35 pm (UTC)
Y'know the saying, takes one bad apple to spoil the look of the rest of the barrel.
NightMaven*)nightmaven on July 9th, 2004 01:17 pm (UTC)
bahahahaha that's funny! I love comedy!!! :D